The Many Attempts of JYSing

Saturday - With Love

2011-11-05T23:24:00.000+08:00

Amazing day with kids, Church and Macs.. huhuhuhuhu..

As Promised, FANTASTIC Friday!!

2011-11-04T22:59:00.002+08:00

Praise the Lord, Hallelujah!!!!

I know it's really a small small thing to most, but I really want to give all glory to God.

Without Him, there is no way i could have PASS MY BASIC THEORY TEST FOR DRIVING!! =D=D I so wanted to scream when I saw the PASS.

I know to most, passing BTT is really easy peasy. But it really wasn't easy for me.

To me, the answers were so similar and I was so worried that I remembered certain details wrongly or made careless mistakes.

I was really really thankful after the exam.

T.T I dont know why, but i guess i really have that lack of confidence. I know I should hold on to the many promises that the Lord had already made. It's still really challenging. Just as the saying goes, when one loses his/her confidence, one loses everything. =(

In any case, fighting fighting.. To all the promises that are to come and to all the plans that I will come out victorious in!! RArRRR!!

huhuhuhuhu.. =D

Talkative Thursday

2011-11-03T23:33:00.000+08:00

"Ah you talk too much!!!" screams at self..

Whee Whaa Whoa Wednesday!!

2011-11-02T22:53:00.004+08:00

TA DA!!!! My hand made scarf for moi boyfriend is DONE!!!

Utter happiness and a fantastic way to proceed on to the second day of nonsensical november!!! WhooHoo!!!

Was pretty anxious whether my scarf would reach him on time.

I spent the past two days, burning the midnight oil, and trying to rush the scarf that can go-round-his-neck-twice-and-still-remain-long-enough to not look awkward in these few days.

And lo and behold! It is done!! I am so happy!!! Can't wait to show it to him via webcam in the morning tomorrow.. hate the time difference.. Roar!

I felt really bad especially since this month was really dedicated to ah ma, but today I could not bring her anywhere. I overslept, the weather was quite bad and I was finishing up the weaving ends of the scarf. But I guess ah ma had fun looking at me finish the long scarf, and she was quite amazed that it had to be so long.. huhuhuhuh.. Now I can finally start on a new project!!!

The completion of my scarf really set me thinking in many different ways. The start of my scarf was a pretty hideous one, especially since this is my first scarf that i am dealing with patterns. Throughout the process, there was a lot of the 'Oops' and 'Heng ah' moments.. But at the end of the day, it genuinely turned out fine (partially consoling myself). During this period of time, it has this 'I am a creator of something' feeling. To me, there is this link up with Genesis. I know I can never compare with how the Lord created the world, and the nature all so beautiful and each aspect detailed in its own way. But somehow, I am able to relate the joy and satisfaction. I guess it's the same when we complete a task or fulfill the expectations of a project.

But for the Lord, the big difference is that, He made all things perfect =). He knows every detail and He knows every area. He even knows every name and face. He knows the plans He has and He knows the destiny that we can prosper. Similar to my scarf would be any other scarf if my boyfriend doesn't use it. The magnificent plans and calling of the Lord will pass away if we turn our backs on Him, ignore Him, or even lack that faith to take a small step. He has said, one small step towards Him and He would take the remaining distance. Then again, how many would actually act like the prodigal's child?

I went to Church for cell group after all the celebration of completing the scarf. During praise and worship, this really came to my mind and I thought it was really amazing and by all means, it cannot be me,

My hands can't heal the sick,
not without Your power.
My words can't move the mountains,
not without faith in You.
My words can't command authority,
not without the Holy Spirit with me.

Heard a sermon from Pastor Craig from livechurch.tv last night. and his humility never fails to amaze me. He was saying that he really didn't like it when people go up to him and say, 'whoa, you are real!' or 'Wow, you are a celebrity now'. He makes it clear that he is a sinner, made right with God only through the blood of Jesus Christ.

I felt really ashamed at how I really wanted the recognition of others, how i need words of assurance to say that I can do it. Cos to say the truth, if no one tells me that I can do it, or like say that I am good at something, I do feel pretty beaten up and useless. But of course! I have to break out of that and know that I am beautifully and wonderfully made!! huhuhuhuhu..

Hopefully, tomorrow I can do something nonsensical with Ah ma.. sleep time!

Day 1 of Nonsensical November

2011-11-01T22:36:00.008+08:00

It's Day One of November and I have decided to tag this month as Nonsensical November!!

It has been almost half a year into my 'graduated' mode o.O and I am still jobless, penniless and worst of them all, clueless. It's quite absurd though, not being able to find a job. I guess it's my poor interview skills. Argh, not able to clinch anything yet. The mummy at home is not very happy about it!! Haha, oh wells, I believe the best is yet to come, so by all faith, the right job will be mine mine mine soon!

So aside with the part time jobs which I haven't been giving much heart <3 to, I have decided to go on a little adventure with my grandma! Blogging it down seems all so natural since I was supposed to note down every pico-second of my life, and of course the many attempts of me being dumb and silly =D. So here is our first stop venturing into the nowheres of Singapore!

First stop - Loyang

In my opinion, sandwiched between Pasir Ris and Tampines, the area of Loyang is pretty tranquil and where my house is, I would say the night has an eerie tinge to it. The roads might bustle during the peak hours, but other than that, it is really a good place to jog by and just enjoy the large space of greens and nature.

Simply taking ah ma on a stroll towards Loyang Point, I come to realize a lot of little things here and there which seems really simple, yet amazing with the grace of God. There are those who pursue success, while there are those who fight towards fame. All the competition and rat race in the world now does seem pretty intimidating, especially towards the jobless moi. But when I just look at how I can spend time with ah ma, somehow all the panic and worries began to seep away. Of course, if you ask me whether I want to be rich. I would answer yes yes yes. Then again, I guess it's always that concept and understanding of being content. I guess I am pretty much content, but mummy is still hounding me to get a job >.<

So the stroll was a pretty slow one, and I ask Ah ma what does she want to eat. =) hehe.. the usual Fillet-O-Fish. I was thinking to myself, "I KNEW IT!!" So here we are at Loyang Point!

Argh! my hair was horrendous, but as usual the auntie-style whenever it's Loyang Point T.T

Ah ma quickly digging into her Fillet-O-Fish. We shared the meal and I realised that Ah ma prefers the softer fries to the crunchy ones.. huhuhuhuhuhuhu...

We started heading back and I went into a silly-Ah ma-photo-taking-mode frenzy.

Ah ma's attempt of dancing with trees XD. I simply wanted to take her with the tree, but she decided to raise her hand up XP

Into Korean mode 'Saranghae', but I don't think Ah ma really did it right.. huhuhuhuh.. =D

Finally just me being a silly grand daughter bring granny out to play. ^.^

Hmmm.. now, what should our next stop be?? :>

Not so much of a National Day

2011-08-10T14:57:00.002+08:00

The post probably has no relevance to the Title,

but oh wells, these are thoughts which happened on the post-National Day. =)

I would say, I never thought life would be so difficult.

If everyone could smile more often,

give a little more,

or at least loosen up a little more,

then perhaps the amount of tears that were shed,

or the phrases of hurtful words,

would reduce by more than half.

It's probably the quarter life crisis,

or in my midst of frantically trying to get a job upon graduation.

Friends getting their dream jobs,

and people enjoying their holidays..

Me, being not here or there seem to,

cause a bunch of depressing thoughts,

and dissatisfaction.

I've been through probably a few interviews where the interviewers were

probably nice as person,

but devilish at the encounter..

but I would say,

it's just another experience..

but what am I to do now..

Lost

Lost....

I wish I was smart enough to score well in those SHL assessment..

I wish I was eloquent enough to sweet talk the interviewers,

I wish I was crazy enough to start my own business..

but at the end of the day,

I am me..

and actually I am really happy to be the way I am,

but then,

why aren't the others happy that I am the way I am..

Life is difficult,

we go through thick and thin just to please everyone,

when ultimately,

the One who says well done,

says it all.

Yet, what are the riches that we are storing up?

Would the world be a better place if everyone were more humane,

or it's better of a survival of the fittest rule..

I really wish to do something..

I guess,

we'll see about it.. =D

August 3rd 2011

2011-08-03T13:48:00.002+08:00

Today is the day JYSing has to stop being lazy and do at least a thing each day =)

so Day 1!!

planning for the other days REALISTICALLY!!!

It's a New Year!!

2011-01-04T13:32:00.002+08:00

It's a New YEAR!!!

and it's been a while since i posted..

blah blah..

2010 had been great,

and 2011 would be even better!!!

wHeeEEwhAAAA XP

Because God is amazing!!

2010-02-24T10:16:00.002+08:00

I guess I always have this problem,

seemingly having many stuff to blog,

but whenever I hit New Post,

the entry area remains blank.

It's not so much of having difficulties organizing my thoughts,

but more of I don't know what to blog at all.

Everyone seems to be moving on,

I guess it's the concept of "the grass is always greener on the other side"?

I always feel that I am lagging behind,

yup a lot of self-talk going on and of course,

lack of confidence and the thousands of doubts that is flowing in.

Friends moving on with their dreams,

excelling in the place they are called to be,

even for non-believers they seem to have it going,

I know it's wrong of me to compare,

or even envy,

but it's just the self-talk thing trying to get me to doubt God's timing.

I love God,

I really do,

and there are times I really cannot understand what is He doing in my life,

or in fact,

where is He in my life,

like erm "Hello?? I'm still in this pit?!?!"

But it's really me,

if I don't empty myself out of those self-pride, self-pity and self-talk,

I will never get my breakthrough,

the Lord is already there waiting for me,

but I am so tuned into the world,

that my Spiritual senses are dulled,

and I just can't see what the Holy Spirit is revealing to me!!

But there is really no limit to our Living God,

and because He is so amazing,

He does discipline me in His own timing and own way.

Everyone may be moving on,

and everyone may be excelling,

but I am not moving,

cos I am still being mould,

still going through training,

shaking,

moving out of my comfort zone,

the Lord knows me more than anyone else,

and it applies to everyone!!

That's how amazing God is.

Oh wells,

at least I know that no matter what happens,

when the walk becomes tough,

and when there comes a point of time where I have to walk alone,

the Lord will be with me.

AMEN!

Loves...

I will be still and know You're God

2010-01-18T22:46:00.002+08:00

Had quite an interesting dream last night.

It was almost like a movie,
just that it was in snippets here and there.
Probably one day I will direct it,
probably one day I will write it out.

But all in all,
I thank the Lord for such an interesting dream,
especially for being the lead role,
and also pairing with such a handsome guy.
*SMILES*

I read a mail today,
about someone's dream and God's calling for her.
When I read it,
I was like,
Whoa! It's really similar to mine!

Then fear starts to set in.
I really admire her courage,
her faith that the Lord will open doors for her.
I guess it's because it's such a clear calling that it's from the Lord?

I've been wavering here and there,
worried that what I am doing is based on my own desire,
and not what the Lord has called me to do.
When I saw her mail,
I became afraid.
I was reminded about an incident that my sister shared with me.

It was about this guy who was called to do something for the Lord,
but as he wavered and as he quits,
the Lord chose to ask someone else to do it in his place.
Fear starts to set in because,
I was thinking,
what if I was the one who chose to give up,
cos I worry too much and I haven't put my faith in the Lord?

As we grow older,
we tend to think more,
worry more,
stress more,
panic more,
and forget about how we could depend on the Lord.

Lord, I really ask for forgiveness,
for the many doubts I have.
I choose to lay it at the altar now Lord,
to trust You, and have faith in You.
Though it's starting to feel uncomfortable,
it's starting to shift out of my comfort zone.
But Lord, please reveal to me Your plans for me,
for I'm blinded by my own worries.
Thank You Lord for the different success which are yet to come.
This step of faith, I'll be taking it.
I thank You in advance for all the open doors and guidance and success!

In Jesus' most Holy name, I pray.
AMEN!

这喧闹的街

2010-01-17T22:45:00.002+08:00

在这喧闹的街上，
能不能再次听到你的声音。
曾经在那灯亮灯暗的夜里，
等着你的消息，
却开始慢慢地，
踏着那，是该往前走的脚步。
走着走着，有时似乎忘了是该回头寻找你的视线，
那我一直望不到的视线。
有时，却一直的不停寻找，
寻找得累了，傻了，疯了。
这就是我现在的世界。

望着日记着雪白的一页，
顿时件，一个字都写不出，
原本以为有千万个心情，
却在一瞬间一言难尽。
我喜欢写做，
但灵感却如此一文不值。
但对谁一文不值？
就因为你没经历过，
或认为语言不是这样表达，
才觉得我的思路，
我的文法，
不值一读。

太想和你的频率对上，
却发现，
越来越不是自己。
在寻找自己的过程中，
我能真的当自己吗？
那我又是这么样？
我想找回自己，
但会不会从中却失去了自己？

我。。。

Settle down, settle down

2010-01-15T14:31:00.002+08:00

Finally a little time to myself,

though it's actually still working hours.

But Praise the Lord,

the days of staring at the screen and adjusting the artwork,

has finally paid off,

it's just whether i get through the final round of approval,

but wells,

I will thank God in advance first for all the approvals

and also claim it in Jesus' Name.

Phew!!

AMEN!

It's been quite a start for the new year.

YAY!! 2010!!! With all the screams and squirms..

2009 had been a blast,

especially upon rededication to the Lord.

So firstly, all the more I have to give Him all the thanks and praise.

Thank you Lord for:

the results back in Glion

calling me back to Your Kingdom

having such a squigy squashy family to love

an amazing cell group that supports and motivates

all the YAs who believe in the dreams and visions that You have set upon

the great experience in Korea

the challenging job which pays enough

the lessons learnt throughout, be it work or play

all the shaking so that deeper and stronger foundation can be laid

the strength to press and hold on, that only You God can provide this strength

the most uncomfortable times

the dream that seemingly is dying off, but I trust in You can revive it Lord!

the bestest buds I have all over the world

Amy

Daeyoung

Jun

MeiMei

Yuki

Ysi

Gigi

Thank you Lord, I really praise You from the bottom of my heart,

for without You,

life wouldn't be as amazing.

Glory all to You, Lord.

Year 2010's S.M.A.R.T plans are out,

but sorry Lord,

I seem to be procrastinating.

I know it's not the lack of time,

not the financial burden,

not the being unrealistic,

but it's just me procrastinating,

and try to find excuses.

Lord, I really ask for the strength, wisdom and knowledge,

to not know about You,

but to know you Lord.

To know Your calling,

the right way You have directed me to.

Lord, I ask to find Your face Lord.

For You have promised,

We will find You,

as long as we seek You with a pure heart.

And Lord, I know the importance of always checking my motives,

and of course, tithe, quiet time, confession of sins

and all that are important in my spiritual walk with You.

Lord, I thank You in advance for all the successes,

all the salvations that are to come,

for I trust that all will be saved,

coming to know You, God,

through Your One and Only Son,

Jesus Christ.

I thank you in advance for all the trials that You will bring me through.

Lord, I pray for those lives whom You are shaking as well.

Lord I really ask that You will bring them through,

giving them breakthroughs after breakthroughs.

Lord, I lay it all at the altar.

Guide me Lord,

Thank you Lord.

With all the praise and thanks!!

For You are God,

Blessed be Your name!!!

Love You Lord!!

Amen!!

he cannot be My disciple

2009-11-26T02:31:00.002+08:00

*TRaining in Progress*

Deny oneself
Pick up his own cross
Follow Him

May every word and action be glorifying to Your name, O Lord.

In Jesus' most Holy name, I pray.
Amen

I love God

2009-11-25T00:42:00.000+08:00

I Love God.
In Jesus' name I pray.
Amen.

Take the lead, Lord

2009-11-22T23:29:00.003+08:00

Take the lead, O Lord.

It was just impressed on me to share something,
but I didn't know how to use YA group thingy,
so I guess just why not blog about it. =D

Just today morning,
as usual, climbing out of bed.
Suddenly, I just had this thought/vision/thing in my mind.

You know those classic ballroom dance,
or like those salsa, cha cha or anything,
where a couple dances, and usually the guy takes the lead.
It was like twirling in my head.

Then there is this understanding that is like,
no matter how much a couple practises for the dance,
the moves, the sequence or anything that goes with it.
It is usually the guy who leads,
and the lady just follow suit.

If just because the lady is so used to the routine,
and when the guy leads another move,
but the lady insist on the routine,
the whole dance will be awkward,
or if not, ruined.

Isn't it so the same for our relationship with God?
We always try declare that,"Lord, we surrender it all to you, take the lead."
But yet, just because we are so used to our own routine,
we don't realise that He should be the one in lead,
guiding us when to do the turns or which step first and things like that?

Then, because we are so used to our own style,
and yet wants the Lord to lead,
our whole life comes to an awkward point.
You can no longer feel the essence of the whole dance.

I dunno how, but I really believe that this relates to me like "YA"
So I really pray that every time I declare that I surrender my all to the Lord,
every time I announce that Lord, You are the Lord of my life,
and I pray for every word and action to be glorifying to God's holy name.
I really pray that I will be able to let Jesus Christ, our Lord take the lead.
I pray for the guidance of the Holy Spirit.
and I am really thankful for a graceful and just Heavenly Father,
who has sent His one and only Son to die for my sins,
so that today I can be a child of God.
I pray for strength, wisdom and knowledge.
And most of them all, I pray that many more out there will let Jesus Christ take the lead.
And I'm thankful that the Lord, our God has forgiven all of my sins.
Thank you Lord.
In Jesus' most holy name, I pray.
Amen.
*Loves*

Mightiness

2009-11-09T14:12:00.003+08:00

Mightiness!!

not mine, but the Lord's.

Had an awesome time at service on Saturday!

Enjoyed CE class,

Learnt more things about our Heavenly Father,

and things do start to crystalize.

Love God! <3

I truly believe that the Lord's presence was with every single one of us during service.

To some, He revealed certain parts of the blueprint He has for them.

To others, He had them delivered and taught them precious lessons.

To the rest, He indicated the essence of patience and to continue waiting.

We are all seeds growing in the care of His mighty hands.

We are eagles soaring in the sky with His strength.

We are His children whom He is moulding.

We are all on the route of accomplishing His will in His way.

With the Lord, nothing is impossible.

How Great is our GOD!!

2009-11-04T11:28:00.002+08:00

How Great is our GOD!!

God is GOOD!!

And I'm really thankful for everything,

for it is definitely His strength bringing me through it all.

Really am looking forward to Church camp themed "Unshakeable".

With everything happening now,

shaking every young adults, everyone out of their comfort zone.

The Lord is really at work shaking all the unwanted characteristics out of us.

Even as we are struggling out of our comfort zone,

even as we are wrestling with our old self,

we are sure to succeed for we have faith in the Lord.

For it is in our weaknesses that His strength is shown.

For everything we have pulled through,

we know that it is not our own strength but His.

Slowly being moulded so that we are more Christ-like.

There might be tears, fear, frustration and impatience.

Yet, we are able to find peace,

as long as we surrender it all to the Lord,

trusting all that He has planned for us.

For God's timing is always the best timing,

and He will never short change us.

This is why, we love God so much even more.

In smiles, we praise Him.

In tears, we praise Him.

In fear, we praise Him.

It might be difficult to say, "I surrender it all"

It is even so much more difficult to decide, "Lord, I will give up on my own dreams should it not be Your will."

I admit that I am struggling through this stage in search for a clearer vision and direction.

All in all, I know that I am working towards that.

To obey and have a discerning heart,

so that the Holy Spirit in me will reveal to me what are the blueprints that the Lord has drawn up for me.

I pray that as we are all so hectic with life,

in search for a purpose, a goal,

that we should just pause for a minute to think:

isn't it so much better if we leave it all up to our Heavenly Father,

and not fret about tomorrow,

and follow His instructions so that His will is accomplished,

so that our time on Earth is fulfilled.

For our God is a God of the impossibilities.

There is nothing to great for Him,

or impossible for Him.

For those who believe in Him through Jesus Christ shall gain eternal life.

I trust that the Lord is working in every single one of us.

And for all that is happening now,

I really praise the Lord from the bottom of my heart.

And I know He is bringing me through it all.

I really pray for faith, obedience and a discerning heart.

2 Corinthians 4 :8-9 NIV "We are hard pressed in every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed."

With the Lord, nothing is impossible!!

Thirsty VS Impatient

2009-10-10T01:15:00.002+08:00

Let Your will be done Lord.
I pray for Your guidance Lord.
For every opened door,
I will walk through it with faith.
Thank you Lord.

In Jesus' name I pray,
Amen.

Dreams~

2009-10-07T11:59:00.002+08:00

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord,

"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,

plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me

and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.

You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I will be found by you," declares the Lord,

"and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from

all the nations and places where I have banished you," declares the Lord,

"and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile."

- Jeremiah 29: 11 - 14

The month of October blasted off with YA's service - DREAMS..

I felt it was a really impactful sermon which brought every single young adult to a new level of faith and understanding.

As the whole service went into prayers and thirst to know what is God's plan for each of us,

there was really a new level of enlightenment.

I really agree that this cannot be an one off event.

Instead, we should constantly try to keep ourselves in line with God,

ensuring that whatever we do,

does not conflict with what is taught in the Bible.

I really seek the approval of God.

Training hard training hard.

Trying hard trying hard.

I stay firmly rooted in faith and trust.

Humility

Purity

Faithfulness

Patience

Fight Fight Fight!!

Thank You LORD!!!

2009-09-30T11:55:00.002+08:00

*WHeeeEeeeSSsss*

My little cutie Sister passed her driving practical test!!!

So now she can drive drive drive!!

Thank God!!

Praise the Lord

*WheeEes WHeeEss WheeSSs*

Prayers answered!!

Thank you Lord!!!!

So we have two new drivers in the CELL!!

Char and Meimei!!!

*WheeEessS*

I hope learning how to drive will be a breeze for me too.

*poUts*

Especially since I failed the basic theory test two years ago.

*tsk tsk*

sHall try again later this year.

*SquiggleS*

Praise the Lord!!

Can't wait for Cell later!!

Worship and Praises!!!

Jesus! I am so in love with YOU!!!

Amen.

USED versus LOVE

2009-09-29T22:52:00.002+08:00

A friend of my sister's forwarded this mail to her.
She shared it with me,
and I thought there was a need to share it too...

USED vs LOVED

While a man was polishing his new car,
his 4 yr old son picked up a stone
and scratched lines on the side of the car.

In anger, the man took the child's hand
and hit it many times not realizing
he was using a wrench.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers
due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father.....
with painful eyes he asked, 'Dad when will my fingers grow back?'
The man was so hurt and speechless;
he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions......
sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches;
the child had written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.
The next day that man committed suicide. . .

Anger and Love have no limits;
choose the latter to have a beautiful, lovely
life & remember this:
Things are to be used and people are to be loved.
The problem in today's world is
that people are used while things are loved.

Let's try always to keep this thought in mind:
Things are to be used,
People are to be loved.

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character;
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

I hope you have a good day no matter what problems you may face
it's the only day you'll have before it's over.

Isn't this just so true?
We choose to cherish things more than people,
believing that people can always be there for us.
Only to realise that what we pursue is nothing but wind.

This might not be from the Bible,
yet does coincide with several teachings.
I pray that one day,
the whole world,
every single one of us
realise how much God loves us
that He sent His one and only Son to die for us on the cross,
so that we can be saved from these worldly sins.

I truly believe that one day,
one day,
every single soul will not only hear of the Word,
but also truly believe,
know that we are sinners,
repent,
accept Christ as our Saviour,
invite the Holy Spirit to reside in us,
and surrender to the Holy Father,
so that His will and His way may be done,
to glorify His holy name.

In Jesus name I pray,
Amen.

"DJ for a Day" Contest

2009-09-29T11:49:00.004+08:00

Taken from KBS World : http://world.kbs.co.kr/english/index.htm

To all budding radio DJs or Kpopper out there!
By God's grace, I managed to stumble upon this opportunity offered by KBS World,
and hence am here sharing with all!

All that is required is to:
send in an idea for a show.
Best idea gets selected and a chance to host a show in Korea!
Should you be located out of Korea,
KBS will provide airfare and accomodation!!

Deadline is quite tight:
the coming weekend - 4th of October

So go on and try!
If it's meant to be, it will be meant to be!!
*WheeEeeS*

You Hold Me Now - HillSong United

2009-09-28T10:14:00.001+08:00

On that day when I see

All that You have for me

When I see You face to face

There surrounded by Your grace

All my fears swept away

In the light of Your embrace

Where Your love is all I need

And forever I am free

Where the streets are made of gold

In Your presence healed and whole

Let the songs of heaven

Rise to You alone

No weeping no hurt or pain

No suffering

You hold me now

No darkness no sick or lame

No hiding

You hold me now

In this life I will stand

Through my joy and my pain

Knowing there's a greater day

There's a hope that never fails

Where Your Name is lifted high

And forever praises rise

For the glory of Your Name

I'm believing for the day

Where the wars and violence cease

All creation lives in peace

Let the songs of heaven

Rise to You alone

For eternity

All my heart will give

All the glory to Your Name

To the Lord I surrender

2009-09-27T16:18:00.004+08:00

It takes a lot of courage to live life the way we want it to be.
It takes streams of tears to achieve what we want today.
It even takes loads of pain to attain what we desire most.
What does it take to tell the Lord, "I surrender my all"?

Every single thing.

It takes courage.
Takes faith.
Takes trust.
Takes every breath.

I guess it's just illogical to some
- to surrender everything to someone we can't see,
nor touch, or hear.
It's even nonsensical to the brain to say,"I give it all to God, I'll do it His way".
And try hard not to worry about tomorrow.

It just doesn't make sense.
How can I not worry about tomorrow?
My future?
My Financial situation?
Will I still be alive?
My family?
My friends?
Who are saved?
Is that my fault?
What can I do to make my life better?
This?
That?
The list goes on,
the list of worries goes on,
the list of desires goes on.

Even if the Lord were to say in an audible voice,
"Do not worry, for I have my ways and my plans for you."
Will we today, be like our ancestors,
put down every burden and just follow?

We have too much concerns,
too much worries,
too much suspicions,
and are too busy to even pause to answer the Lord.

That's me, I guess.
I have too much disbelief.
Not in the Lord,
but in myself.
I have no confidence in this,
no trust in that.
Basically probably believing that I am inferior in every way.

This is where it hits me hard.
I constantly tell myself, "If God is for me, who can be against me",
"If this is in God's will, I'll give my all",
"The Lord's strength is in me, and there is nothing I should fear"
I tell all these to myself again and again and again,
yet when something does come up,
I hung up on God's call.
I guess it's not so much on not believing in myself now.
I guess I lost faith when the Lord sets up a challenge for me.

Many advices came along,
that I should have faith in the Lord.
If this is His plan for me,
He will guide me through,
and He will ensure that I am well equipped for the very day.
As long as I am willing to drop all worries, concerns,
and just follow.

Both yesterday's and today's service did impact on me quite a bit.
And I really prayed hard for the Lord to teach me to surrender my all.
I really just want to listen and do as He says,
as long as it is to glorify His name.
I pray in Jesus' holy name,
that I learn to listen out to Him,
to just walk the path with faith
and that everything I do is to glorify His name.

Sowing
Reaping
Sowing
Reaping
Lord, I surrender my all,
I'll take each step with Faith,
knowing that if it's in Your way and Your will,
I'll listen and do.
You know the desires of my heart,
and You know me even before the creation of the world.
Mould me to be the right testimonial,
so that I learn to sow and reap.
Guide me, for I'm a lost sheep.
And I know Your voice,
through faith and belief.
Lord, I thank You for all the mercy and grace.
I'll sing to the Lord with all my soul.
In Jesus name, I pray. Amen.

For Jesus, I am so in love with you!!

My Future Decided - Hillsong United

2009-09-15T11:26:00.002+08:00

You hold the future in your hands

You know my dreams and you have a plan

And as you light my way, I'll follow you

My eyes on all of the above

My soul secure in all you've done

My minds made up

And you are the only one for me

Jesus, savior,

in my life you are everything

My future decided,

I will praise your name

And I know that I am, I am yours

Yeah, I know that I am, I am yours

You hold the earth in your command

You are the rock on which I stand

And as I live each day, I'll follow you

My eyes on all of the above

My soul secure in all you've done

My minds made up

And you are the only one for me

Jesus, savior,

in my life you are everything

My future decided,

I will praise your name

And I know that I am, I am yours

Yeah, I know that I am, I am yours

Aren't afraid, aren't ashamed

Lord we know who we are

We are your people and we won't be silent

Unified hear us cry at the top of our lungs

You our God and we will not be shaken

Aren't afraid, aren't ashamed

Lord we know who we are

We are your people and we won't be silent

Unified hear us cry at the top of our lungs

You our God and we will not be shaken

Jesus, savior,

in my life you are everything

My future decided,

I will praise your name

And I know that I am, I am yours

Yeah, I know that I am, I am yours

Always keep the Faith

2009-09-14T12:01:00.002+08:00

I will definitely want to keep the faith in the Lord.

No matter what happens, I know that the Lord is with me.

I really pray that I would walk through every single opened door with faith.

Like a champion.

I look forward to a breakthrough,

knowing that God has his plans for me.

Patiently waiting on the Lord.

Amen.

Quote of the Day

2009-09-08T08:43:00.000+08:00

Quote of the Day: NEVER GIVE UP!!!!

What's my role?

2009-08-30T21:53:00.002+08:00

It seems to me that the "Monday Blues" are setting in, and I'm just looking forward to end the internship. I guess the only motivation I have now, is looking forward to what comes after work everyday. Thank God, the coming Monday, my family and I are going to catch UP! So looking forward to it!!!! It's been a while since the whole family went to catch a movie. Half the time it's either me or my father stationed abroad. Now that everyone is home, it's just good to have a gathering and everyone to have fun together. I miss the times when we were young, when the world isn't so real. I sort of miss the time when we were staying in Jurong, it seems less stressful then.

But oh well, I guess everyone just has to grow up isn't it?

I just find it quite a scary thing. There is just so much I want to do and want to learn. But not only time being a factor, financially it is always challenging. There are people who seems to live their life rather smoothly, having what they want, being what they want to be, meeting the right guy, having the right life. There seems to be the almost perfect lifestyle that some might yearn for. While others are constantly on the challenge, doing random stuff, loving it and gaining different experiences. And there are some who never seems to get it right, fighting for whatever they wish for only to come down to nothing or battling a sure to lose battle. All in all, there are always some who are still unsure of what is going on, to afraid to move on and to guilty to turn back, wasting time stranded in self-pity and regrets.

Which category would I fall into, I often ask myself. There are several times I wished that I'm this person or that person. There are occasions when I am so envious of others. I know God stated that we should not envy. But it's just this human thing. Worldly desires hehe. On the other hand, there are times when I won't give up whatever I have now for anything. I know there are things that I still need to improve in, there are things for me to complete. But to give up or exchange whatever I have, it just seems nonsensical. There are people I admire, there are people I want to be like, but I do love the way I am (when I am optimistic and not during THE time of the month *giggles) and I will strive to be a better person in general.

The last few church services were about faithfulness and true friends. I really thank God for all the different ways and tools He had used to constantly not only teach but to remind us as well. I really want to and have to learn about faithfulness and true friendship. And I really strive to stay faithful to the Lord and treat people the way I would want them to treat me. But sometimes it's just so hard. It's just so hard to be nice to people. I mean not everyone is approachable. Not everyone is inclusive. And not everyone can refrain from judging people just based on first impression. But I would really love to try to be nice. I just want to try take that first step to break the ice. It's just so difficult!! There are times people think I'm weird. There are times people think that I am too hypocritical. There are times people just think that I am rather insensitive to the fact that they need their own space. What role am I to play?!?!?!

Sometimes I'm just confused. I don't really know why am I here at this place at this time in the era and doing these things. Like what if I might be better off in the medieval era (which my sister would LOVE to be in) or should I be some pretty empress in the Tang dynasty where fat seems to mean pretty. I know that no one is indispensable, but we just happen to impact different lives in different way. I dunno where are these random thoughts coming from. But I know that there won't be an end to it. Cos it's so random, it's confusing my thoughts while blogging. So I should just stop and sleep.

Dots.

Sing to the Lord - Hillsong

2009-08-28T16:11:00.001+08:00

Sing To The Lord

Righteous Ruler of the heavens

Holy, holy, our God

Sovereign Lord of all creation

Holy, holy, our God

Every tribe and tongue

Lift your voice as one

He is greatly to be praised

Sing to the Lord, oh my soul

Let the heavens shout for joy

Great is our God

Nations come and bow before Him

Holy, holy, our God

Angels sing now and forever

Holy, holy, our God

Every tribe and tongue

Lift your voice as one

He is greatly to be praised

Sing to the Lord, oh my soul

Let the heavens shout for joy

Great is our God

The heavens shall declare

The glory of our great God

The heavens shall declare

The glory of our great God

The heavens shall declare

The glory of our great God

Jesus King, let us adore Him

Holy, holy, our God

Sing to the Lord, oh my soul

Let the heavens shout for joy

Great is our God

God's invitation to walk with Him again and again and again...

2009-08-18T14:32:00.004+08:00

A little lost of what to write, I wouldn't say it's because of mental block, but it's this billions of things running through my mind that I don't seem to be able to catch hold of any one of it.

Suddenly, I really miss God a lot. I know that He is always by me, in me and behind me. But it's this feeling that I really want to talk to Him, there is so much that I feel so overwhelmed.

Recently I was invited by this friend of mine to attend a D&D.

Boy, was I elated, I guess it is probably the first time someone actually asked if I could be his date. You know it's like those kind where you watch too much shows, the girls dying to be asked out, and the guys attempting thousands of ways just to get the girl of their dreams out for a dance. Yup, I had that feeling. I was really elated!! I have been to prom nights and all, but it's not the kind where you have to bring a date or you get the thrills of asking the guy of your dreams out or the other way. It's just the normal "get together" night.

Especially, at the state I am now, fat, horrible hair style, uneven skin tone, basically the worst state in my entire life, you have to say that I am totally flattered by the invitation! (I sound like the ugliest girl on Earth!) It did occur to me that he probably asked every other girl and the he might not be serious in his invitation. But still, this invitation is enough to make my day!

Thinking back, isn't this the same as God's invitation for me to walk with Him again! The only difference is that God has never stopped inviting me. He is always calling out for me, constantly placing His hand in the "shall we dance" position. He has reached out to me when I'm all in tears, puffy eyes, red nose, messy hair, the most horrible state of my life. And I'm more than flattered to take His hand, accept the invitation and put a smile to my face.

There is a vague parallel in this two situation, one allows me to be flattered then and there and probably on hindsight I would still be smiling away because of the incident. But God's invitation is more than anything that I can ask for. It's a dance to eternity and eternal peacefulness!!

To all girls and ladies out there, ACCEPT God's invitation to dance with the stars for eternity. And nope, the boys and gentlemen are not left out. Replace dance with anything like a ball game, basketball, soccer, a game of chess. God has invited ALL through Jesus Christ to be with Him!!

I'm not sure what's the conclusion for the D&D.

But one thing I am sure is that, no matter what state are we at - looking terrible, cladded with sin, or looking great with the best make up, the Lord has never stopped inviting us to take a walk with Him. So go on! Accept the invitation! For all you know, you might be having a ball of time with the stars for eternity.

We live by faith and not by sight.

I do not need a shooting star to know that God has created this world.

I do not need a miracle to know that He loved us so much that He sent His only Son to die on the cross for us.

Even as there are times where I want to shout out with all the might I have in me to plead for miracles and ask for answers to my prayers.

I know that God has a plan for me, and no matter what happens down the road, He will always be there telling me that that's why way and He will protect me from all.

It's just as how our family love us so much, and even so much more than that!!

I love God!! I love my Family!! I love my Cell Group!! I love my Friends!!

And I love whatever God has in plan for me!

I am on for the challenge and I am going to try HARDER than that!

Dance! I'm going to own you!!!

Any door that the Lord has opened for me, I pray that I am more than willing to walk through it by faith, knowing that He has got my back and not hesitate no more!!

Fighting!!!!!!!!!

Ex-Offender Analogy

2009-08-16T12:58:00.004+08:00

Was so happy when Amy decided to call me yesterday!!

And I really want to Praise the Lord for using this opportunity to teach me something so new that had not for it, I would probably continue to be jailed in those thoughts of mine.

For the thousands of times I shared about every single one of us on earth or in space, that we are sinners from top to toe and that we should be so thankful and grateful that God forgave us again and again and again. I am standing firm by that, and I am really grateful, thankful and all the synonyms you can think of to God that He has casted so much mercy and graciousness on us.

But I am often so jailed in this thoughts that I failed to realise that it is through this recognition that God has sent His only Son to die on the cross for us that I actually have been washed away from all the sins and given a second chance to live!!

It's probably this "pessismism" DNA in me that I can't see that there is two parts to this whole forgiveness. I probably managed to make it on the first one, recognising that I am a sinner. But it is there where I stopped. I mean I am a happier person now, knowing that God loves us so much and all the prayers that He has answered. I am also more optimistic in a sense, more willing to approach people and attempting to be even more sociable and in hope of reaching out to more people. But I am still in this state that I just can't forgive myself for sinning (It's not as though I killed someone or what). But the thing is Lord has set the standard so high that hating someone means murder, and lust means adultery, that I can't help but be so self conscious.

God totally hit me hard through Amy. Amy used this ex-offender analogy.

Remember the Yellow Ribbon project that Singapore is trying so hard to push and promote??

I guess this is it! While I constantly try to use scare and strong tatics like, "Wham! You're a sinner! Bang! You're a sinner! So you should be more than grateful that God has forgiven you!" Amy said that if anyone were to hear that, I would probably be THE one that is pushing them further away from God. I mean I understand that different approaches reach out to different people. This method just happen to be unable to reach out to most.

It's just like who would ever admit that they are at fault?? Even little kids blame their siblings for things that they have done. Understand what I mean?!

It's just like which ex-offender would want anyone to constant remind them of what they have done in the past. Or keep calling them a "prisoner" or "jailbird" even if they are just taking a stroll down the streets. It applies to all of us as well.

We all know that there are so many things that we shouldn't have done. So much sins we shouldn't have commit. Even if it isn't conscious, we somehow know that we will be judged with all the things we have done in our lifetime. Even for those who are non-believers, people still attempt to do good deeds. This is becuse, deep down there is this thing called conscience, or if not there is this "feeling" that what goes around will come around.

Besides, this loving God of ours has given us a second chance through Jesus Christ. We get a new chance to live all over again!! It's not to say that those who believe gets to live all over again literally. But it is this spiritual revelation and peacefulness that God has got our backs. In addition, those who are saved, it doesn't mean that this is another chance for you to go around sinning again for those who know the rules gets twice the punishment when we do it. Just like army boys gets fined more heavily if they get caught. There is no "if you get caught" in Lord's eyes, as He sees everything, and knows everything, even those thoughts that run through our minds.

Before the call, I failed to realise this second chance and that I should grab it with so much more gratefulness than just the forgiveness itself. Imagine us forgiving ex-offenders what they have done, but failed to give them a chance to work, or even just mix with us. Won't they go back to their old ways because the society just doesn't give them a second chance?

Can you see the parallel in it?!?!

So here I am, totally thankful for all the forgiveness, mercy and grace the Lord has given, all the more I am OVERJOYED that I have this second chance. Some people learn this only at their deathbeds, and some since they are young. I am really thankful for the Lord answering my prayers and teaching me so much more. So..... Embrace this second chance!!!

My first step out of ALL my pessimism. And so much more to learn and try!!

DANCE DANCE DANCE!!

Praise the Lord!!

2009-08-14T12:47:00.003+08:00

Praise the Lord!! I was having such a mental block of what to blog today as I was contemplating the idea of blogging what I learn during church services BUT I don't have all my notes with me. BUT (again) Praise the LORD!! I was going around looking for images that shows mental block, and I stumbled onto this site that is about some immortality institution. HUH?! Yup, guess what, they research about how to attain immortality. Interesting, isn't it?

I really thank the Lord for this coincidence, as it inspired something for me to write.

Here we go, I really find it amazing how people persevere in researching and experimenting and trying so hard to play God. They try so hard to defy the rules of nature, the norm and even if they fail a zillion times, they will not succumb to failure and try again. It is amazing how this stubborness applies to their belief in the Lord as well. No matter how hard we reach out to people, they choose not to believe that Lord can give them eternal life, but it is just that this context applies to the spiritual life. What good is it that we keep this dying flesh and always trying means and ways to "improve" it, to "preserve" it?? Isn't it just simpler to have true hearts believing in God through Jesus Christ that we attain eternal life?!

God has made it so easy, to praise Him, to lead holy life, free of sins, desires and temptations. All hearts towards Him, treating our neighbours with love. No envy, No jealousy and No hatred. Isn't this the ideal world we are trying to work towards? Then why do we try so hard to play God instead?! Try so hard to set the rules only to realise that nothing is forever in this world of ours. But we can attain all these forever just by believing in Him for He has sent His only Son to die for all our sins! Why aren't we grateful at all!?!??!?!

Instead on spending a whole lifetime researching on something which we would probably never find an answer to. Isn't it so much simpler that we live life the way God wants us to? We would probably live off a happier life, always singing praises and there won't be competition and jealousy between each neighbour. How stubborn and foolish can we go? That we choose to slog our lives for redundant things like money, technology and on and on and on. I am not saying that they are of all bad. I mean I am blogging using technology now, but what I'm saying is that, is it all so important that we choose to forsake the Lord. Didn't our ancestors live by so jolly well without airplanes and computers and washing machines. It's just in the state of mind! It's just all about convenience!!

Oh well, I guess this won't appeal to people because it is just so etched into our minds that we NEED technology. I can't survive without my laptop. I'm at a loss without my handphone. I am late without a car blah blah blah blah blah. The list can go on all so forever as we only think about these worldly, earthly temptations.

I know that I must live by what I say so that I can be a good testimony. So I am not saying that I am all saint, but I am too working towards the goal, towards a life of love, a life of holiness, a life that God wants us to be. I will try hard and work hard!! All the way! and I really Praise the Lord for all that He has taught every single one of us and the chances He gives again and again and again.

Prayer request: I'm currently following one of the blogs and in it there is this entry about a prayer request for Central Asia. I am not sure if I can share due to privacy and things like that. But I really pray that no matter who this entry reaches out to, that all would be able to pray the country and that the faith in the Lord will continue growing. Probably I can just add the link here: http://carescalling.blogspot.com/2009/08/hes-got-whole-word-in-his-hands.html

I really pray that every single one of us gets to hear the calling of the Lord and that all will turn our hearts of stone to hearts of flesh so that we will hear and believe. Not only will we believe in God through Jesus Christ and that we will all have true hearts towards Him without motives, wrong intentions and hypocrisy. I really pray that we are able to grow so strong in faith that not any one of us backslides and gets lost. Instead of going into things that are unholy, I pray that one day, all of us are able to just gather together and sing praises to the Lord and live the Holy life without all the greed, temptations and all that are sinful to the Lord's eyes. I pray that all will be good and that the Lord bless every one of our souls. And that prayer is strong, the Lord's ways are stronger and higher. Hence, I pray that we fret not that prayers are not answered, but it is just not the right time or right motive. I pray that all will be well. In Jesus name I pray. Amen!

God's goblet of Grace

2009-08-13T12:40:00.003+08:00

It's lunch time!! So here I am again, attempting to share something that I've learnt and picked up along the way.

Yesterday, I was exclaiming to my sister," Meimei! Look! The flag counter records people from about 8 different countries reading my blog!" Then, there was a small voice inside me going,"How sure are you that they READ your blog, most probably they just stumbled upon it, finds it boring and click 'Next Blog' instead." Oh well, whatever the case is, I really thank God for giving me the strength to constantly learn in His Word, grow in Faith and recognise my wrongs.

And I really thank the Lord that it is all these stumblings that we learn about new things and by His ways, he ensures that certain things impress on us so deeply. I was looking for a photo to go with today's blog, and I typed "God's goblet of Grace". I was looking through the photos and this very one appealed to me. When I clicked it, I realise that it belongs to another blog! Being curious, I read through, and there was this entry about "Praise You in this Storm" by Casting Crowns!!! It totally goes with the book I am reading now, "A Love Worth Giving" by Max Lucado. Isn't it true?!?! God gave us so much, He gave us His only Son to die for our sins. He forgives us again and again and He is patient with us. He is anything that has to do with Love. Yet, when the storms come, we choose to complain, to ask why, to seek other methods rather than praising Him or to continue believing in Him.

And this is when we get lost, we start to move away from God and we rather fill this empty space with idols, nonsensical beliefs than to continue having faith in the Lord. We are thirsty, in search for solutions, seeking answers and finding peace, yet when God gives us the goblet of Grace, we analyze it, we sip to taste if it's potable. We no longer believe in God and have faith that He has always been with us. That's why I am encouraging all to drink up from this goblet of Grace. Stop hesitating, stop doubting. As stated in the Bible:

"If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to whose who ask Him!"

Matthew 7:11 NIV.

Quoted from the book,"And when Jesus hands her the goblet of grace, she drinks. She doesn't just taste or nip. She doesn't dip her finger and lick it or take the cup and sip it. She lifts the liquid to her lips and drinks, gulping and swallowing like the parched pilgrim she is. She drinks until the mercy flows down her chin and onto her neck and chest. She drinks until every inch of her soul is moise and soft. She comes thirsty and she drinks. She drinks deeply."

(Lucado, 2002:6)

This is why! I truly hope that every non-believer who are thirsty will begin to believe in the goblet of Grace! All the more all the believers should have faith and stop analyzing what's right or wrong, for if the Lord has showered us with so much graciousness, who are we to doubt if it is from the Lord or is there a catch to it. Be the "Yes" man to God and drink up from all the grace and mercy.

Then again, it seems so difficult to praise Him during the times of shower, thunderstorm, or anything that causes this barrier from us and God. It just seems easier to complain. "WHY!! Why did God allow these things to happen to me?! Why isn't my prayers answered? WHy Why Why?!?!" Yet, like what Michelle, my cell leader shared with us yesterday, and all brothers and sisters, do bear in mind that,

"Seek the Lord while he may be found;

call on him while he is near.

Let the wicked forsake his way

and the evil man his thoughts.

Let him turn to the Lord, and he will

have mercy on him,

and to our God, for he will freely

pardon.

'For my thoughts are not your

thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,'

declares the Lord.

As the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts."

Isaiah 55:6-9 NIV.

When Michelle shared this, it hit me hard. While we always have plan for ourselves, and when these plans just go haywire, we tend to blame the Lord. We complain. We plead. We cry out loud. Yet, we never realised that our ways were never His ways! All these things that might be happening in anyone's life. It is all part of God's plan, if what is desired doesn't happen, it's just because it is not in His plan! Even if it is, it just isn't the time yet! Even to me, this is a little difficult to accept, as we have so many things we want to do and achieve! But I truly have faith in the Lord and strongly believe that He has His plans for every single one of us. We just need to listen attentively and most importantly have faith and BELIEVE!!

I pray that everyone of us will learn to know the Lord and begin to believe in Him. Even as each faith starts small, we will grow as He will give us the strength and wisdom to grow in His word. I pray that we learn to become loving just as He is and Lord opens our eyes to allow us to see that our plans need not be His plans and in any way He brings us to that we will walk it without doubt knowing that He got our backs covered. Most importantly, I really ask that the Lord will be able to give us the strength to stop doubting and drink up so fully from His goblet of Grace that it overflows but we are still so thirsty for it. I really pray that everyone will turn their hearts to flesh so that they can finally see that they had been blinded by sin and temptations and from this revelation that they learn to know and believe in God through Jesus Christ. God bless every single one of our soul and forgives every one of our sins. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

A Love Worth Giving - Max Lucado

2009-08-12T14:18:00.003+08:00

A Love Worth Giving - Max Lucado

Moving on to a new book I borrowed from my sister. Started reading "A Love Worth Giving" by Max Lucado yesterday. The content of this book is rather different from "Can't You Talk Louder God?" in the previous entry. "A Love Worth Giving", as the title implies, emphasize a lot on the love for others.

This LOVE does not solely limit itself to a love for your partner or just love towards family. It is so much bigger than that. Quoted from the Bible, 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."

As such, it reminds me of what my sister told me the other day. She was telling me that someone shared with her before that God does not love. As surprised as I was when she heard this, the person sharing with her carried on explaining, "That's because God IS Love." After hearing this, it bounds to put a smile on anyone's face. Isn't it so true that God IS Love?

Try replacing the word "Love" with your name or anyone's name in the 1 Corinthian verses. I guess no one would dare say that they fulfil all the requirements. Even if anyone were to be able to read the whole verses with his/her name in it with confidence, deep down he/she knows that it isn't the truth and probably will never be the truth. I guess it's just the sinful nature of human that we are impatient, we tend to be unkind to those who love us, we enjoy being proud and hold grudges. Yet, if we were to replace the word 'Love' with Christ's name, it seems all so true and it makes sense!! Quoted from the book:

Jesus is patient, Jesus is kind, Jesus does not envy, He does not boast, He is not proud. Jesus is not rude, He is not self-seeking, He is not easily angered, He keeps no record of wrongs. Jesus does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Jesus always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Jesus never fails.

I realised that sometimes we are so bitter to the people around us because we never realised and recognise the fact that we are actually so loved by God. It is written in the Bible:

"We love because he first loved us."

1 John 4:19 NIV.

Isn't that it?!?! Who are we to dislike people, or judge people, or just to be so bitter to people when the Lord love us so much and abundantly that no matter what we do, the sins, the unholiness that the Lord still is patient with us and still loves us so much? Yet, we fail to understand and recognise this love.

It's just human nature to give after receiving. For example, it is definitely easier to be nice to someone, when that person is nice to you. Hence, it is rather difficult to be nice to others first!! However, if we were to recognise, understand and know that God love us so much first, would it be easier to treat others better since we have received so much love in full and abundance and in fact over-flowing!!

Why must we complain that people do not reciprocrate the kind things we do, when we reject God's love for every single one of us? Has the Lord ever given up hope on us?! The answer is NO! God is patient and God always perseveres! For every single one of us! There is no discrimination here! No black or white, no tall or short, no Jews or Gentiles. It's just ALL of us! It's because of ALL of us that God sent his only Son to die on the cross to wash away ALL of our sins. There was no favourtism or biasness where YOU or YOU are saved. As long as one truly believes in God through Jesus Christ and has a true heart toward God. He/She is saved!

BUT! That's the weird thing about people. The more simple the concept is, the more doubt people have. And it is this doubt/lie that Satan, the liar, has instilled in us that caused so many of us to turn away from God!!!

I really pray that the message of Love without its content being warped can reach out to people that they would start believing. Be it anyone from anywhere, as Christians, we are always there to help. Hence, even as we don't approach you through evangelism, it is always okay to approach us and let us help. There will be no embarrassment, prejudice or mocking for who are we, as sinners, judge anyone else? There are so many Christians connected by the Web, Friends and Family. If there were to be anything, any brothers and sisters in Christ is just a call, an email, a tag, a shout, a whisper, a letter away!!

May the whole World be saved so that all our names are written in the Book of Life and that the World will become a better place of peace, kindness, patience and everything to do with Love. God will give us the strength in what we can and cannot do, as long as we believe in Him, depend on Him and constantly pray. Have faith and be Loved! Amen.

Can't You Talk Louder GOD - Steve Shultz

2009-08-11T12:08:00.004+08:00

CAN'T YOU TALK LOUDER GOD? - Steve Shultz

Was reading this book on Friday while waiting for the Hip Hop trial class to commence.

As usual, yesterday I received a friend's exclamation of when did I become so religious. *Growls* But I am really grateful that after backsliding for such a long period of time, the Lord has never stopped chasing me and calling out for me.

"My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me."

John 10:27 NIV.

It was my first cell activity yesterday and I was really really really EXCITED!

We met up for lunch and was going on about school reopen, first day of working, having to go to work and upcoming cell activities. It was really enjoyable to just listen to all the cell members go on about things happening in their lives and the Lord's works in every single one of our lives.

I was supposed to do some cooking for the day, but I guess there were just too much talking to do. We had MacDonalds for dinner instead and spent most of the time chatting and praying too!

I really thank the Lord for the conversation I had with Michelle about asking, seeking and knocking and also about some contents from the book by Steve Shultz. There is just so much to learn about and from God and I really pray that not only me, but every single one of us, everyone in the World will be able to grow so strong in the faith of God and grow in the word of God. *Fighting*

It is Michelle's first day of work today and we really prayed hard that it will be a great day for her today! I guess it's always this 'first day' jitters that people get. Worried about first impression, work load and on and on and on and on. But I believe that Lord has opened this door for her, and therefore will ensure that He protects her from head to toe so that she will be able to do His ways and He will be at her back telling her, 'That's the way.'

"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, "This is the way, walk in it."

Isaiah 30:21 NIV.

Hence, it is important to have faith in the Lord and be that "Yes" Man. Trusting in the Lord and following his biddings for He has his plans for every one of us. The Lord has never stopped talking to us, but it is us who always reject the voice of the Lord.

Have faith and depend on God. Amen!

Motivation from the Book of Ecclesiastes

2009-08-06T12:29:00.004+08:00

Finally, it's Lunch time!!

Lunch time = Free time = Scribbling time = Motivation TIME!

Attended Cell Group after my singing class yesterday evening. It was a whole LOAD of FUN!

As the service move towards the UNITY Series, my Cell Leader did a great job in igniting the sparks among us!! Instead of the normal bible study yesterday, we did a "Get to know the Cell Members more" challenge. Breaking the group into two, we had a Questions and Answers Session. It was quite a noisy and funny event and I really enjoyed it a lot.

Joining Emmanuel Assembly of God for only about two months, I really find myself sticking to my sister a lot as I didn't know the people really well there. But this event really gave me a chance to know my cell members more and open myself up as well.

Now, we know that there are members in the group who are crazy over the colors blue and purple. We know that some of us are juggling between work and study. And for the weirdest reason, my sister's favourite food is Goreng Pisang (I had no idea when was it ever Goreng Pisang!). And now I am so excited and looking forward to my first cell activity - Stayover at my place and outing on Monday!! I am so so so looking forward to it!!! *Squirms*

I guess the Lord really answers prayers in his own way and ensuring that it is always of the right motive. Like mentioned before, I always have this "sense of belonging" problem. Like I really yearn to be in a production crew or entertainment industry because of there are projects and events management where people are all so bonded to working towards the same goal. And here I am, coming to know this craziest cell group and beginning to have fun with them. With this, I have Bible verses to share which was brought up during the Warrior Series:

"Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their work:

If one falls down,

his friend can help him up.

But pity the man who falls

and has no one to help him up!

Also, if two lie down together, they

will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Ecclesiastes 4:9 - 12

It really hit me hard the part where it mentions "But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!" It is such a depressing thought to have no one to pick you up, to ask you to pull up your socks! or to encourage you when you are down. It is always a sad thought to have no one there for you physically. To some, as long as we know that there is someone out there supporting us always like our Family or friends, we learn to move on. Pity those who can't even think of someone who would be there for them, be it physically or emotionally. Thus, many a time, this is where faith comes into play. The Lord would never turn his back towards us, instead, very often it is hard who turn our backs against Him in times of distress (such irony).

There is always this saying that,"No man is an island". But I guess you will be shocked to know the number of people out there who scream for a hand to grab from the inside but appear to be so nonchalent. I suppose this is just a "human" thing, never wanting to admit that we need help. Ego, pride and OVER confidence. God's hand has always been reaching out for us, it's just us. "JUST GRAB IT!!!" But all these sins we have done, it just blind us so much that we not only reject the Lord's hand, we even choose to stab it with knives of our sinful nature.

It is probably the pessimism in people that we usually complain about everything and envying those who are better. Yet, we failed to realise that there are always people who are of a worse situation than us. It is this self desire to always be tempted to want more, in another word, greed that we never learn how to be content with whatever we have. As such, we are always in this meaningless battle, suffering from our own conscious thought that we need to be better. I am guilty as well, always believing that life might be better for me if I were to be slimmer, taller or prettier and stuff like that.

But for whoever we are, the Lord has a reason for it. Hence,

"Do not say, 'Why were the old days better than these?' For it is not wise to ask such questions"

Ecclesiastes 7:10

Something new today, adding on to the previous few days' entries.

1. Reduce judgements towards others

2. Reduce the number of complaints we have

And today's

3. Cherish life as it is and be thankful for being able to take the next breath.

"For God will bring every deed into judgement,

including every hidden thing,

whether it is good or evil."

Ecclesiastes 12:14

The Problem Lies With.... ME!

2009-08-05T10:12:00.002+08:00

This would probably end up to be quite a long entry. *Grumbles*

I had a conversation with a friend some day ago. It did caught me by surprise when I receive the call as it had been a while since I kept in contact with this friend of mine.

I was eagerly contacting him and another friend of mine in a "failed" attempt to evangelise. I was urging them to attend church and hopefully from them cultivating a relationship with God and lead healthy spiritual lives. To say the truth, the only thing I could do was frequently asking them when are they free to attend church as I, myself, am not that eloquent and knowledgeable to share the gospel.

Back to the conversation.

I really thank the Lord for using the phone call as a gentle reminder. The conversation with my friend went about how surprised he was that I was suddenly so enthusiastic about my faith in God. We had this few minutes conversation of him going on about how in the past, I actually rejected the thought of being actively involved in the faith of Christ. Upon hearing that, I was rather disappointed with myself.

Being a Christian ever since I was young, I guess it was more of family influence than really true devotion that I was brought to the house of God. As such, I guess there was thus no reason for me to be constantly faithful nor devoted.

Through the conversation, I realise I was such a horrible testimonial. One that has turned my back towards the Lord, a detestable sinner. Hence, all the more am I grateful that the Lord is willing to guide this lost sheep back to the herd. Hence, all this sudden devotion and enthusiasm, together with the constant using of Bible verses might cause people to be rather suspicious if this is an one off thing, or true faith.

I guess that is how bad a testimony I am that people would be confused towards my rejection for backsliding anymore. That's why all the more I have to strive to change that image of mine and be a good testimony to those who have not believe in God through Jesus Christ.

"Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables. The man who eats everything must not look down on him who does not, and the man who does not eat everything must not condemn the man who does, for God has accepted him."

Romans 14:1-3 NIV.

I pray that I would be able to continue to grow in the grace and word of the Lord and become a good testimony. *PleaaSSSssEEEeeee =)*

Then, yesterday, I had a random chat with my sister.

We were just discussing about the friends we make. I must say that the friends we have are really extremely different. I guess it is also because of our different characters. She was telling me that she has never really quarrelled or argued with her friends. On the other hand, my friends phase out at a certain period of time, if not I would probably do something that turns the relationship sour. Well, they say it takes two hands to clap, so I suppose it is always two ways. Or if not, it's just me. *Growls*

Come to think of it, I guess it is quite true. My sister would probably have friends that would die for her and stuff like that, where they would have "Best Friends Forever" on and on and on. While, I guess the only people who would go all out for me is my family. That's quite disappointing, no? I survived so long to realise that I don't really have what they call "childhood friends" or "best friends" or "soulmates". I guess that's why I yearn for that sense of belonging in a group or everyone working together in a project. It is there where there is this kind of bonding and working all out for each other to attain the same goal.

My sister did suggest that it is probably the people I hang out with are probably too direct, or it is my "style" and things like that. This is because the friends she hangs out with do not even have the thought of putting people down. They would treat people out of good intentions and are genuine in a sense. Like an example my sister gave: She and her friends would probably gently remind each other if there were things stucked between their teeth after lunch, or if their dress sense doesn't really suit them or stuff like that. I guess there won't be negative feelings involved. But I suppose some of my friends would go all the way to putting you down and make you feel embarrassed to put across the same message. I believe I am guilty of being like that as well, knowing that I hang out with the same circle of friends.

I guess like someone who said, "Be the change you want to see!"

Instead of complaining, I guess I should treat people the way I hope they would treat me. Even if they don't treat me the way I would like to be treated, at least I won't be guilty for the phrase,"But you treat people that way too!"

"You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you."

Matthew 5:38 - 42 NIV.

I do hope that more people hear of the gospel and believe for the time is near and for those who are saved should not be surprised about it.

"He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches"

Revelation 2:7 NIV.

In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Judging Others

2009-08-04T12:49:00.002+08:00

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Matthew 7:1-2 NIV.

I guess for someone who is so used to being commented on, it would be rather easy for me to brush any criticisms or comments aside. Yet, I chose to take it personally and I realise that it does make sense that words can hurt people. I guess I really thank the Lord for allowing me to constantly self reflect on myself, so I have reduced so much in passing judgement on people. I mean it would be so easy to just have a passing comment within saying,"oh man, look at how she dress," or "Goodness, look at his hair" and so on and so forth. But I really thank the Lord for the strength that He had given me to not think these ways. In fact, I would try to find something that I should praise about like,"whoa, that's a great figure!" or "How I wish I could be that pretty." I think as such, it does make my day better, and I do feel good as an individual.

On facebook, I just happened to catch one of the comments my friend made,

"We cannot prevent ourselves from having opinions but we do not have to express them. Learn to say, this is none of my business" - Joyce Meyer

It seems that all go in line with what I have to blog about today!! Praise the Lord.

I believe for some, it is going to be a challenge not to judge people and start looking at themselves first before passing any comment. But I suppose it's like treating it as a dare. Probably, once we are able to overcome this passing of judgement thing that we become better individuals and the world would be a better place!! Let's probably try it then, start simple. For example, everyday we will start small by reducing the negative comments we have for people. After that, every next day we reduce a negative comment and add a positive comment. Soon, all these comments would be genuine and of kind intentions.

I am probably going to end off with the verses in the Book of Matthews:

"Why do you look at the speck of saw-dust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, 'Let me take the speck out of your eye,' when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

Matthew 7:3-6 NIV.

May the Lord bless the souls of all sinners. Amen.

Cooking! Cooking!

2009-08-03T22:45:00.003+08:00

Preparation

Starting Work

Here we go..

YUMMY KimBap!!

KimChi SOup!!

It was really a taxing day!!! *gRins* With all the work in the kitchen, Auntie and me. But it was really a whole load of fun, preparing dinner for the whole family.

I had to research on what to cook earlier in the day as my house is filled with patients, so no fried stuff no heaty stuff blah blah blah. Thank the Lord that now I am a little crazy over the Korean culture and everything Korean, I just had to try making Kimbap and KimChi Soup. I did my homework with all the recipes and stuff and off I went to shop for groceries!!

I had quite a tough time at the supermarket. Firstly, because I have never really done groceries alone. Secondly, because I do not know what to buy and how to choose and what to cook at all!?!?!?! HAHA. But it was really fun and I spent quite some time and money *Oops*

The journey home was crazy as I had so many bags and stuff and I was all ALONE! I had to take the bus as I didn't want to waste the money on cab fare! And Finally TADA!! I am home with the INGREDIENTS ONLY!

Working out everything with Auntie, I am just glad that it is over and my family members are quite pleased with the food, appearance and taste!! I'm HAPPY!!!

I'll probably try cooking again this weekend or something. I am beginning to like the thought of cooking!! HAHA. FIghting!!

Oh No! When did you become so LAZY!

2009-08-03T14:49:00.003+08:00

YUp! That was the comment my long distance good friend made when I was chatting with her on the phone last night.

"Oh No! When did you become so LAZY?!"

At first, it did passed off as quite a horrible comment. I was like,"WHat?!?! When did I become lazy? What do you mean by lazy?!?! When was I EVER Lazy!?" Upon reflection, I have to admit,"Yes, I have become Lazy." It's quite ironic, as my previous post was supposed to be,"Hey Let's ALL JUMP Out, STOP being unmotivated!!" I guess praise the Lord for using this as a tool to knock some sense in my head. And HENCE, I have decided to take pride in my work and be less lazy, more HARDWORKING and more motivated in every sense. Yup! and that should be it.

I guess through that phone call, I really picked up quite a few things and things that I used to do did seem to cut down by A BIT. Maybe on the other side, the caller did not feel anything, but I am really trying hard to be a good testimonial. But oh well, Fighting Fighting Fighting for the Lord is my backing! While chatting, these verses from the bible did appear in my head, James 3: 5 - 6,

"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person, sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."

Therefore, be constantly reminded that the Heavenly Father is constantly looking down in Love up above. It is not only what we say and how we act, but the Lord Father knows what we think and how hypocritical we are. I really pray that the Lord gives us the strength to be genuine from the bottom of our hearts, that no more suspicious, back-stabbing and unhappiness occur, so that we are able to lives peaceful lives and that all of us are saved from eternal death.

I'll probably end with Your Name High HillSong

VERSE 1:
Your innocence forsaken
Upon that cross
You gave Yourself for us
Carried into Your freedom
Our broken past replaced in
A second chance
The chains have come undone
Death defied in the Fathers love

CHORUS:
We are living to make
Your Name high Jesus
Living to make Your Name high Jesus
You gave what the world couldnt offer us
Say what they want
Say what they want
We are free

VERSE 2:
The atmosphere is changing
Oh can You hear
The people rising up
In the hope of Your freedom
Our former ways are breaking
We seek Your face
God let Your kingdom come
In our praises be lifted up

BRIDGE:
With eyes on high we praise You
And with one voice we come together
Our one desire to praise You
And lift You up in our surrender

Unmotivated?

2009-08-02T14:43:00.004+08:00

Unmotivated?

It seems all so easy to sleep in on a Sunday morning. In fact, it always seems easy to find an excuse not to go to church on a Sunday morning. There seems to be a thousand reason to first complete whatever we have on hand, then do Quiet Time, or then probably just do a short prayer. Just as now, I am frantically looking for my Medical Certificate, as I need to hand it in on Tuesday when I report to work. But I guess this is why all the more I should concentrate on writing so that maybe anyone out there can to be motivated and start priortising the Lord as first place. At the back of my mind, I am still screaming,"Where is my MC?!?!". I should stay focused.

I guess this does not apply solely to religion and faith. Basically, we can become unmotivated towards anything and in fact everything. It can be just going to work, or going to courses. It can also be being unmotivated to give a hug to loved ones or say nice things to people. Motivation can be such an interesting thing. Just being unmotivated is almost equivalent to being too lazy to do anything. So how are we supposed to oversome this laziness, this no motivation to do anything. *Grins* It's all in the mind.

But once we are able to practise self-control and self-discipline, it actually becomes healthy be it as a person or in general. It works for me to Thank the Lord every morning to be still alive and kicking. Knowing that time is precious, all the more you would want to wake up all so early in the morning to praise the Lord for his works. The bright morning Sun, the clear blue sky. With all these little thankfulness, it is hard to reject the thought of going to church to sing praises to the Lord and thank Him for all He had done. I guess the first step to it is this heart of gratitude and optimism (which I am working very hard on as most would know me as the most pessimistic, sensitive and self worrying being in the whole wide world.)

Secondly, put up posters everywhere to remind yourself to be motivated in every sense and aspect of life. And the top of the list should be Faith, the Holy Spirit, Lord, Church, Prayer, Quiet Time and anything that belongs to your time with the Heavenly Father. I really believe this helps as every reminder actually strikes hard on me given that it is just so easy to sin or be deceived by the devil. Need to train up on how to resist all the worldly desires and unholy attitudes.

It is really easy to just lay there and go nothing and be all so unmotivated and relax in that own zone. But it is more than fulfilling to be more active and slap someone in the back and say,"Let's all go worship the Lord and sing praises!" =)

Your Name High - HillSong

*Chorus*
We are living to make Your Name high Jesus
Living to make Your Name high Jesus
You gave what the world couldn't offer us
Say what they want
Say what they want
We are free

Warrior Series

2009-08-01T14:23:00.003+08:00

The Warrior Series over the past few weeks have really impacted many brothers and sisters in Christ as it came to an end with the "Passionate Warrior" last week. Following the Warrior Series mid way till the end, I have to thank the Lord that it has done many works on me.

From the first session that I attended - the "Hesitant Warrior", it really hit hard on me that it is so real we often become hesitant when the fear of failing becomes greater than the faith in the Lord.

Later came the "Wounded Warrior" where we as humans find ourselves so involved in worldly achievements just to gain recognition. It is definitely so easy to praise someone based on their worldly accomplishments. Just as, it is so easy to boast about your salary, your academic accomplishments, certifications. But how is it that you can praise someone based on faith? Yet, thank the Lord that He does not judge us on these worldly standards for He has his standards so high that even hatred is murder and lust is adultery. It is so easy to be wounded by one's tongue where people are often quick to speak, slow to listen and fast to judge. Thus, we are so wounded even with the slightest sacarsm and criticism. We often think that we are no much better, or we are just one out of billions, why would the Lord even care about us. Then again, it is because

"For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" John 3:16

We, as sinners, have spat at His face, rejected His every sense of love and been deceived by the devil, yet He has never given up hope on us. He has tried means and ways to reach out to us, to let us hear His words and to save us from drowning. All we had to do was to reach out as well to grab on tightly and firmly onto His hand. Then again, how many of us are willing to have faith in this strong arm and hold on to it? Even as Christians, we are so easily distracted, which was dedicated to many during the third week - the "Distracted Warrior". The world's tempations are often so enticing and so fulfilling for the flesh. This distractions are once referred as parasites, that not only deprives us from the Lord, but also from our normal lives. They can be anything, addictions, gambling, pornography. We find ourselves so distracted we are not leading a holy life. Then we begin complaining that the Lord has turn His back on us. But we failed to realised that, it is us, sinners, who have turned our backs on the Lord first! It is ever more so depressing that we, as sinners, chose to believe that we are in parallel with the Lord, only to realise that yes we are in parallel, but never in line with the Lord's words and teachings. Hence, it is important that we have to keep our body in check.

Finally, the "Passionate Warrior". The Pastor mentioned that we are like a swinging pendulum when we begin to lose our cause. On one hand, we can choose to become passive. We can look at the wrongdoings of our brothers and sisters in Christ and think that someone will correct them, someone else will lecture them. This is passivity. On the other hand, as the pendulum swings to the other extreme, we can become abusive. We can become so filled with anger, hatred and temper that these have blinded the real motive of our cause. As such, we begin to sin, begin to become unholy in the eyes of the Lord. We have to be constantly reminded that we should be consumed with passion. The "Passionate Warrior" has someone to protect and has a kingdom to advance. This Kingdom that is to be built is not based on selfish motives, but a Kingdom of the Lord.

As a Christian, I have backslide for pretty much the whole of my life, and I really thank the Lord for bringing me back to my senses and get rid of all the passivity in me. Knowing that I do not have a rich knowledge of the Bible, I really pray that the Lord will give me the strength and tools to reach out to people and to help them as an individual and as a warrior princess to help build the Kingdom of the Lord. It is never easy to turn a heart of stone to a heart of flesh. And it is never easy to open up ears to allow people to accept that they are sinners. Yet, for so many years, the Lord has worked miracles and open hearts. Hence, I truly pray that the world can be saved, every single one of us, before the judgement day. For I really hope that everyone is saved so that there will be no regrets and pain in the day that will be coming. I pray that all brothers and sisters in the world are trying their best as well and may the Lord bless the souls of every sinner and that everyone will come to know that Jesus Christ had washed away all their sins and through Jesus Christ will they know the Lord and be saved. Amen.

"See to it that no one misses the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many." Hebrews 12: 15

While I'm Waiting - John Waller

2009-07-31T17:04:00.001+08:00

John Waller - While I'm Waiting (Official Music Video) from Provident Label Group on Vimeo.

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Takeing every step in obedience
While I'm waiting
I will serve You
While I'm waiting
I will worship
While I'm waiting
I will not faint
I'll be running the race
Even while I wait

I'm waiting
I'm waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I'm waiting on You, Lord
Though it's not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve You while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting
I will serve you while I'm waiting
I will worship while I'm waiting on You, Lord

Slow Fade - Casting Crowns

2009-07-31T17:00:00.001+08:00

Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands
As darkness pulls the strings

Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you
That are sure to follow

It's a slow fade
When you give yourself away
It's a slow fade
When black and white are turned to gray

And thoughts invade, choices are made
A price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

It's a slow fade
It's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattering leads to compromises
The end is always near

Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises
Leave broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade
When you give yourself away
It's a slow fade
When black and white are turned to gray

And thoughts invade, choices are made
A price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade
When you give yourself away
It's a slow fade
When black and white are turned to gray

And thoughts invade, choices are made
A price will be paid
When you give yourself away

People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh, be careful little eyes what you see

Fireproof

2009-07-31T13:27:00.001+08:00

John Waller - While I'm Waiting (Official Music Video) from Provident Label Group on Vimeo.

"Never leave your partner behind"

A week ago, my church, Emmanuel Assembly of God, played this film as part of its 40th Anniversary outreach programme. Although this event was evangelistic, it also allowed friends and family to sit together to enjoy this magnificient film.

This film captures simple yet real events of our everyday life. Marriage, friendship, family and faith. While everyone seems to yearn on the slightest respect brought forth by the other party, one fails to realise that it is this form of pride that blinds us from any good we are supposed to see from the other party. As mentioned in Matthews 7: 3

"Why do you look at the speck of saw dust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"

As humans, it seems so readily easy to judge people by who they are, their appearance and the way they act. Yet, we don't realise that who are we to judge others. We allow ourselves to be judged by monetary sense, fashion sense and even academically. Then again, what do these judgements bring us? There are students out there mugging their lives to receive good grades and gain recognition. Working adults are slogging their lives to provide a better living standard. Somehow, when did life become so difficult? When did we stop having faith? When did we stop believing that the Lord would provide as long as one is willing to love Him and stop loving this world. When did it become so difficult to stop and listen to the gospels and allow our hearts to turn to flesh just to give praise to the Lord who sent his only Son to wash away all our sins?

I guess all these became so difficult when we decide to allow money to rule our lives. It is once mentioned in the film as well, "Do not follow your heart as your heart can be deceived by the devil, instead you should lead your heart." This phrase might have impacted many brothers and sisters in Christ as very often we would suggest to people,"Follow your heart" or "Take where your heart leads you". Then again, we failed to understand that rational or not, the heart can be easily deceived and tempted by the devil. Hence, by faith, all the more we should lead our heart to the right cause.

I am no one to judge anyone's behaviour or action. However, I do pray that as the time draws nearer that many would hear the gospel and believe. For God so love the world, I believe that everyone's names are written in the book of Life. Yet, it is man's folly that strikes their own names out of the book. I pray that people are motivated to know the Truth and may this world be filled with the righteous and faithful. Amen.

New Blog Skin!

2009-07-26T01:38:00.002+08:00

I realized that it is about time to change my blog skin and start updating my blog again!! And yah! Whees!! So here am I starting to blog again!! But I guess there is something wrong with this blog skin. Knowing that it isn't really visual-friendly. Maybe it's just me but oh well. I will try to come up with something close to the heart. Like my own style or something. Blabbering nonsense. So oh well. Update later, sleep first.

Bissous.

To take the bull by its horns

2009-01-25T01:28:00.002+08:00

To take the bull by its horns

*Grins*

I got the water bottle!!!
*HEES*

I want I want I want

2009-01-24T02:29:00.002+08:00

I want I want I want

I want that water bottle
I want that ring
I want that bag
I want to go shopping!!
I want I want I want

I want to depend on myself
JIAYOU JIAYOU JIAYOU!!

Randomization

2009-01-15T14:01:00.002+08:00

Randomization

Yes, I'm really bored and lazy. *Grins* So here comes another bunch of random rants. I'm so tempted to buy everything on this website: http://green-poppies.livejournal.com/40047.html. *Growls* It's so pretty pretty pretty. But it's expensive too. BAH. Incur my wrath.

I'm utterly irritated that there are thousands of production that I want to watch falling on dates when I'm over at Switzerland. WHAT IS THIS!! WHAT IS THIS!! Incurring my wrath. *Growls* So bored. Wasting time again. Go write to buy list. I want to go shopping!!! Sobs.

Should I go and watch a play today?? But it's expensive. *Growls* Don't know. BAH!!

Random Thoughts

2009-01-15T00:24:00.002+08:00

Random Thoughts

Just some random thoughts.

I'm utterly sleepy right now, yet, I can't really fall asleep. Too much stuff wriggling into my head. Darn those thoughts. Oh well, you don't exactly call it insomnia, because I feel sleepy. It's just that I'm thinking too much that it is keeping me awake. *Grins*

Dear dear is starting his first day at work tomorrow at Chef JC's place. That's the problem, it's only a part time job. I'm just worried. Really worried. Bad bad economic crisis. Deprive people of the chance to exhibit or improve their talent. *Growls* I really don't want dear dear to work in any restaurants, but given that $$$ is more important, it's really a dilemma thingy. *more Growls* But I trust dear dear, so any choice he makes, I'll just reach out for the pom-poms for him. Jia you Jia you!!

Went to return Jermaine's clothes today, what a day!! Travelled all the way to Bishan, only to leave my handphone on the bus. *OHNO* Thankfully I have a dear dear that particpates in those 42Km run. All he did was, "dear dear, you wait here" and then the next thing I knew, he was chasing the bus. I slowly made my way down, and there dear dear was, at the next bus stop. I simply signaled to him, yes or no. That silly boy was panting and walking towards me, WITH my handphone. Yes, dear dear, now I know the importance of jogging le. *Grins* This is the first boyfriend that runs fast enough to catch up with a bus. I treated this silly boy of mine a HUGE Swensens meal. So full!!

Then he went to get a hair cut while I just admire him. *-_-* I love walking with dear dear, cos there are a lot of stories to tell and hear. We will tell each other more things about each other, and learn a lot of things about each other. Like... Today I learnt that dear dear is afraid of the dentist too. Hehe, then we scared scared together lo!! We will jiayou together, dear dear. Hopefully the coming four months you don't come up with any funny stunts, cos I only going to study, so don't care about you!!!

Back at home, I chatted with Amy. More or less, we chatted about the usual stuff. Amy always say that I'm considered a nice person. For me, I think Amy is a nicer person that I am. She commented that I'm nice because I give a 100% help when needed while she provides the same help, but only to complain later. But I was like, "but you are still nice, because you helped them already!!" Such random topic. But define nice. I don't know what's nice and what's not. In fact, I can't tell if people are nice or not. I got this problem with the sixth sense thingy though I am a girl. *Darn* That's my problem, I can't tell. It should be okay right? As long as I don't do stupid and wrong things. Wait a minute, or am I always doing that. HaHa!! Well, at least I survive till now, so it should be okay.

I'm really sleepy. But I don't feel like sleeping yet. I feel like doing things, like pack my stuff and all. Grins, I should go pom pom, brush teeth and sleep.. zZzzzz.. Such random thoughts.

If the world were to end..

2009-01-13T19:18:00.002+08:00

If the world were to end..

Given that the world is coming to an end, what am I supposed to do, or how am I supposed to be prepared to face it? Should I begin to appreciate life, and learn to live life to the fullest? Or should I start buying all my "wants" so that I leave satisfied though I won't be able to bring anything with me. Well, I suppose I'm not doing any of those, since the idea that the world will come to an end is not instilled in me yet. I don't have that sense of urgency. I guess, that's the thing, when you don't feel the sense of urgency, you don't see the point of doing anything.

Been doing some thinking, but I've always been doing some thinking and nothing spectacular comes out of it. I've been thinking that I should be going on a diet, but till date I'm still wallowing in fats (eeew). I've been thinking that I should not be envious of the brands people carry, but I still hope that I can carry that bag, put on this dress and wear those heels. I believe that's the girl thing. *Grins* Sigh, I guess I should really stop those thinkings, so that I can learn to cherish life. I mean I do cherish all that I have now, but that's the thing, people have greed and hope.

Wanted to start planning what I should bring back to Switzerland, and ended up digging old stuff. For example: I found a to-buy list I'd made when I wanted to go Hong Kong mid of last year. It was amazing the things I wanted to get, whew, lucky the trip wasn't successful. Or else I would be almost bankrupt now. There were things like Agnes B bagS (an emphasis on the S), accessories, Anna Sui's cosmetics and stuff, MUJI stationeries and basically anything that catches my eyes. Orrendus!!! I even wanted to get a few memory sticks there, those cute and unique kind, not the mundane and boring simple sticks. Sigh, what a very naughty girl I was.

"Life is hard, and then you die", this is some morbid quotation which is very true sometimes. But, define hard? It's all a matter of perspectives isn't it. Life can be hard whether you are rich or poor, of course the rich gets it better. Life can be hard but as long as one is content with what he has and is happy about it, he might not think that it's hard at all. Right??

I should stop procrastinating. I love my life, and I should live it to the fullest everyday. Shall pack my things, spick and span spick and span. Then do my stuff. Exercise I shall tomorrow!! Busy busy, jogging here I come.

BORED

2009-01-10T21:48:00.002+08:00

BORED!!

I'm too bored. I think I'm wasting my life away. Too much sleep, and too much eat. Growls. Should start doing something. Bored. Too bored. Resolutions not making their stand. Wasting life away. Should do something. *GRINS*

First thing first, pack my things. hehe. Pack pack pack, throw throw throw. *GRINS*

Counting Down

2009-01-05T22:07:00.002+08:00

Counting Down

It's probably another 25 days before I am back in Switzerland again. Sounds scary, since I don't know what to expect from this new semester. Well, I guess the best is to stay with my books and laptop (hoping that this baby of mine don't die on me when I'm in Switzerland). As such, I guess I will come up with this 20 days diet session after the failed maiden attempt early last year. So tomorrow will be my day one. Hopefully, by the end of this session, I can cut down at least 3KG, which is half of what I need to cut down to my ideal weight. So jiayou lo! Actually I think if I eat lesser, it helps with saving cost as well. *grins*

Resolutions for 2009

2008-12-31T17:42:00.003+08:00

Resolutions for 2009

2009 is approaching and I'm so excited!!! Like every year, my resolutions are going to be brought over to the next year. -_- *grins* I do hope that what's past has really become past and everyone stays happy!! XD Praying for the crisis to be over, world peace and a healthy earth. Here comes the resolutions!!

ONE: SLIM DOWN. For the thousand time, I want to slim down to 48KG!! Yes yes, I'll start jogging dear dear. Orrible!!! I'll start from tomorrow *grins*. I hope this goes on, so that mummy, meimei, didi and everyone will stop reminding me that I need to do something about my size. Papa is the best!!! He keeps his comments to himself. Hahahahhahahahhaha!!

TWO: REUSE/REDUCE/RECYCLE. Being poor as I am, I can't afford scrapbooking stuff, but I find joy in making something out of nothing as items for memorial sake. I can't wait to give what I made for Meimei, Yuki and Amy. I really really hope they like it. *grins* I should take photo of them and their pressies. Hee. And of course my next assignment would be for Jermaine and Gyuri!! Dear dear, wait k, cos yours can become Valentine's Day gift le. -_- So most importantly is to reduce my expenditure, recycle reusable items and brighten up my life!

THREE: BE MYSELF. As simple as that.

FOUR: My priorities remain. FAMILY STUDIES RELATIONSHIP WITH PEOPLE. Dear dear, we agree ah. 2 years, a lot of things can happen. Work hard for the future is the most important currently, especially with financial crisis. *grins* Even if I am not materialistic, I'm still a girl ah *surprise surprise* hehe. *winks*

FIVE: GET INTO THE HONOURS STREAM. Don't give me the rubbish that I sure can make it de la, all those, cos the fact is, life is full of ups and downs. The next thing I know, I might not be able to go back at all. *grins* I really hope to do well, but don't refer my plight to be similar as others, cos I'm ME and I'm nobody's shadow. *hee* I just hope I can end up in the same class as Gyuri and Jermaine. XP

SIX: STOP PROCRASTINATING. Simply, don't be lazy. BAH!!

SEVEN: LANGUAGES (@.@)

EIGHT: READ READ READ!! XD

I just hope this year things will change for the better. Some changes need to be made!! To start with, my appearance?? I want to look more nerdy. *grins* I'm ME. XP

On Hindsight

2008-12-29T22:40:00.002+08:00

On Hindsight

On hindsight, I need to spice up my life. *grins*

It's a quiet Christmas

2008-12-25T21:05:00.002+08:00

It's a quiet Christmas

Due to the economic crisis, this Christmas, at least for us, is rather a quiet one. I used to look forward to Christmas, like what JP said, it's the joy of giving. This year, it's just different, mummy is getting on the edge with the finance, meimei wants a laptop, didi is being overly generous to others and papa is working too much. I guess that's the difference, I've to stress over money when I don't see that it's an issue at all. Yes, without money one can't live a luxurious life, but is that all so important??

Went back to Raffles Hotel yesterday, I must say that I miss working there and I miss everyone who are there and no longer there. They are fine, I guess. Hopefully we will be going out tomorrow. Go eat or something. Ya, ya, I've gained weight. *grins* I just can't wait to go out with Karen, I miss working for her so much!! Some times, I just wonder, maybe then, I should just stop studying and continue working for her. Oh well, that's an idealistic thought, especially since the management team won't allow two chilli padi in that "comfort" zone.

Stupid boy, don't push your luck ah. What dear dear and all, silly silly. I really really want to finish the stupid course, but mummy is just stressing me out with the transfer and financial issue. I know that I am ranting over and over over the same issue, but that's the point, I don't understand what's the point of repeating over and over. Life is not about regretting the choices you make, just look forward!! Hello, hello, can you please wake up your idea?? Maybe I should just hide myself in the library, how many times must I say that I just want study!?!??!

Why jump into conclusions?? Things might not be the way it seems, right? Why can't things be back to normal?? Some times, I think it's not about who weaves in and out of your life, but the decisions you choose to make. I've made several decisions that caused routes to change, but they don't neccessarily mean that I regretted them. Can't everyone have happy endings?? I want to go play!!!

Am I back?

2008-12-24T04:20:00.003+08:00

Am I back?

Am I back yet?

I realised that it's true that when you take a step backwards, you tend to see things much clearer. Was supposed to fall asleep at 12 plus, but there were just too many things running across my head. So here am I, typing nonsensical stuff, and worst of them all, I am trying to blog in English. Spare me the comments on how poor my English is. I don't have Jermaine here to edit the grammatical errors.

Suddenly, I just feel at lost. Am I still me, or have I changed a lot? I can't tell, especially since for a moment I think that I am okay, but at another, I feel that I am so ungrateful. I'm unsure of what I'm thinking, but I'm grateful for the life that the Lord has given me, one that is full of ups and downs but still to the fullest everyday. I'm grateful for having such a happy family, though some times there are disagreements but as a chinese saying goes, "there are no overnight grudges within a family". I'm grateful for having friends like Peirong, Sinyee, Amy, Meimei and yuki, who are there for me even when I drift away. I am grateful for having colleagues-turn-friends like the whole of LBSH or Raffles Hotel who are waiting for me to contact them *ooOps*. I am grateful for having See Sen for willing to wait for me two years because I choose to commit more of my time in my studies instead of relationship. However, some times, I forget that I have such a life and I turn into someone I can't recognise anymore.

All these while, I had been someone who is termed a "friend-hopper". I tend not to stay with the same bunch of friends everytime i progress with life. I guess there is two sides to it. It either suggests that I am good with making friends or I just make new friends and forget the old. It's not that I want to be like that, I mean I love all my friends, but I just think that it's difficult to keep in contact and balance. I guess this is something I should make an effort in. Yet, I'm really grateful for the friends who still ask me out and attend gatherings.

I guess the change very much started in Glion where I was outcasted because I didn't know anything about brands, where I was bullied because I prefered being simple and where I was hated because some were just too rich and free. =) Yup, that was life then. But it was Glion where I learnt the importance of true friendship, where I learnt that what goes round comes around, where I learnt that life is not just about material, it's about supporting one another, about sharing tears, joy and standing up for one another. I don't know what holds in the friendship of others, but I know for us four, it's the willingness to tell the truth to each other. Yuki tried several times to persuade me that I should keep a distance so that misunderstandings are prevented. She acted like a mother but I was too playful to heed her advice. We acted like advisors to Amy telling her things that ranged from white lies to truths. They played the role of fashion advisors advising me to stop being a pumpkin (but I am still one). The semester ended off with a shaky note that was still a blast for the piece, but it could have been better. =)

I guess that's the problem with Cancerians, or probably me. I am an attention seeker, and I don't deny that fact, but some times, attention lurks danger. I never liked playing the role of a villain, but somehow, I guess I always managed to get that role. I can't say that I asked for it, I guess it's just that I forgot the importance of drawing a clear line so that outsiders can see the transparency and stop the gossips. It starts to get confusing, especially when this is not the reason why I wanted to blog.

Back to the point, am I still me? Or have I became someone who is as materialistic as the rest? Dear dear bought me a Burberry bag and a Thomas Sabo bracelet and an Adidas dress. I was happy to receive them, okay, I was overjoyed to receive them. On hindsight, when did I become so materialistic? When did I started to take a liking for brands? Where was the time when I thought, as long as it looks nice, brands don't matter? Why did dear dear have to spend months of his pay to get these, especially when he is struggling as a trainee already?? I was happy at the thought that Amy wanted to get me that pair of earrings. Although I was thinking that I will be over the moon if she really gave it to me, I really don't want people who I care about to spend money on me already. I know that I am not rich, but it doesn't mean that I am poor. One day, I'll earn enough to buy for my family, then for myself. Stop spoiling me!! I really don't know how to stop wanting, this greed!! I would love it if I get a Tommy Hilfiger ear-rings, if I get that Ralph Lauren dress, if I get that Gucci bag, if I get that Tiffany and Co necklace, if I get that Swarovski ring, but I really think that I should get them for myself as a different reward for myself when I score well or when I earn my own money.

I don't know where will this thinking lead to, cos I hope money come raining from the sky so that people satisfy their wants and needs. Wants are just scary, they are scaring me that I can't fall asleep. There was once, this guy said that,"You are not pretty, you are not slim, there are so many girls on the street who are better than you, but the only thing I like about you is that you don't like money." At that point of time I was like,"HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!!" but I really want to find back that "me". I'm really struggling now, cos I still love to have my wishlist, but for now, I really go with "let nature takes its course", what's mine I guess will be mine. So I'm going to update my list, but I really hope I learn to let go and be myself. Nothing is more important than being myself.

First thing first, I need to slim down. *grins*

我回来了

2008-12-18T06:01:00.002+08:00

我回来了

啊！！我回来了！！
四个月的时间，说长不长，说短又不短
真是自相矛盾啊
可是这四个月的时间，发生的事情也不少

带着恐惧来到第三学期
也许因为很怕同样的事情会发生吧
害怕会无缘无故地没有朋友
害怕会遇到所谓的恶霸

可是整学期没遇到那种事
反而，我觉得真的很开心
开心的程度是可以不用回家的那种
可是还是会想家，想在新加坡的一切

很开心和微微和yuki同房
没有她们，就没有好吃的东西
没有一起谈天说地的时光
没有一起去玩，闹和哭的记忆

很开心遇到jermaine
没有她，就没有那浓浓的新加坡腔
没有吃到海南鸡饭贺咖哩鸡的可能
没有一起club,三八和熬夜的回忆

很开心认识了哥
没有哥，也许就找不到思路相似的人
就没有一个真的不用去想其他事，尽情的玩的人
就没有一个可以活在自己世界的机会

这整个学期真的拥有很多美好的回忆
是会有起争执的时候
但是我相信都是一些芝麻绿豆的小事
因为明年我们还是会一起玩

其实我想，人生就是要懂得珍惜
我很珍惜现在拥有的一切
我会怕，因为我的优柔寡断搞得会失去这一切
但是我想这都是一个人生的经验

也许我的人生就是高潮期附比较频繁吧
可是未曾不是件好事
起码当jermaine帮我写书时
不是枯燥乏味的

总之，我希望有情人终成眷属
梦想成真
开开心心
身体健康

呐喊

2008-12-07T21:52:00.002+08:00

呐喊

能不能瞬间没人找得到我
能不能瞬间让我冷静一下
能不能瞬间把我化成烟灰
能不能瞬间让我不搞是非

其实我知道大家都说得对
再怎样，我还是那个坏人
我任何选择，还是个坏人
我想错就在于我太在乎吧

我在乎别人怎么看我
我在乎别人怎么想
我在乎身边的朋友多余自己
搞得我，是太多管闲事吧

其实总是说他和我一样
不是因为我们都是巨蟹座吧
反而是，我们在耍心机时
其实对方都知道

难得一个人是可以完全看穿你想什么
可以猜出你下一步想干什么
其实每一次的关上门走出去
谁不知道到底发生什么事啊

对，什么是天都在看
但是这世上真的有好人有好报吗？
如果有，那为什么那么多坏人还在！！
为什么受伤的人，还是那么的伤

我还小，对，我什么都不懂
但不代表我没有自己的想法
也许吧，天杀孤星不只一颗
只不过离的距离太远

以为好不容易在月蚀的时候碰面
却发现其他星球就不能正常的饶
是别人太多管闲事，还是我做错了?
我想，我没有说话的余地，因为我已经被封为坏人了

未来的是我不知道，
我只知道现在，我爸妈最重要
再来是学业
其他事，他妈的，别烦我

我只想大声的呐喊
但我连自由的空间都没有
for once, what the HELL!!!!

选择遗忘

2008-11-30T21:17:00.002+08:00

选择遗忘

忘了

六月的姑娘

2008-11-26T21:25:00.001+08:00

六月的姑娘

巨蟹座的女子是相当忧郁的。其实不只是如此，她也相当的疯颠、歇斯底里，她可以很忧愁，也可以很快乐；当然也会很悲伤，也会很疯狂。她是很温柔的、女性化、羞怯的，但是她仍是水做的女人，而且只要开始落泪了，就很难可以停得下来，你得多带几条手帕才够。

　　她是相当被动的，这点你得要有心理准备，所以不要以为她不为你所动，别忘了她也很害羞，在她面前千万别发出任何过大的举动或声音，这会令她觉得你是否对她有什么不满，并且因此使她的情绪受伤。告诉你，有时你会发现天底下再也没有什么事会比她情绪受伤更悲惨的了。

　　有时你会发现，她自己会有情绪上的问题，时好时坏，但是又好像有个什么周期似的。别怀疑，巨蟹座的守护星是月亮，所以你会发现她的情绪就像月亮般，有著阴晴圆缺的变化。她需要有安全感，她害怕失去，不管是什么。她需要个能避难的地方。

　　她是个好太太，她会烧一手好菜，而且也会把小孩照顾得令你嫉妒，渴望你仍还是个孩子。她温柔的照顾她所拥有的一切事物，其中当然也包括你。她关心许多事情，像金钱、食物、家庭、母亲、秘密等。你说你在哪里？你不是就在她的秘密里吗！？　

　讨厌的类型：花心大萝卜

　　花心大萝卜是巨蟹座心中永远的痛，虽然他们从来不懂自己的暧昧态度不知道伤了多少人的心，但对别人的始乱终弃，却是眼里容不下一粒砂的。所以，你最好保持清白，别让他的情绪失控。恋爱方式：天下一家亲重视家人的巨蟹座谈恋爱的话，就好像天下大团圆般，不但爱上了你，也爱上了你的家人，当然他们也会希望自己的家人也和你的家人相处愉快，所以你也要有心理准备。

因为我是过来人

2008-11-26T03:42:00.002+08:00

因为我是过来人

她说是因为她是过来人，所以希望我考虑一下
他说亲情这种是外人也许不懂得理解
她说不必理会其他人怎么想，只要自己开心就好了
我笑着说：“为什么会搞得那么麻烦？”

也许是不够睡的原因，没办法理智的思考
也许是太久没那么疯狂，所以才会那么的贪玩
也许是因为觉得好累了，为什么我不能为自己而活
也许是因为，我不够成熟

三个爱情故事
一个爱得你死我活
一个爱得失去理智
一个却爱得那么潇洒

但又有谁有资格说：“因为我是过来人”呢？
曾经闹得开心，现在却因为所谓的“我觉得”
所谓的“因为我是过来人”“我知道那种感受”
搞得现在朋友都做得好尴尬，值得吗？

也许没我想得那样
也许唯我那么的想
也许是我太敏感
也许就是这样

本来西瓜就是那么的甜那么的讨人喜欢
但因为被前辈认为现代太多防腐剂
所以必须远离所谓的“现代”
这么说来，周围的一切都不能碰吗？

原来，在别人眼中我还是个“是非人”
原来，我是真的应该与世隔绝
原来我没资格胡闹一次
原来一切又回到了原点

原点

2008-11-25T09:39:00.002+08:00

原点

一切已回到了原点

石头.剪刀.布

2008-11-23T02:40:00.002+08:00

石头.剪刀.布

每个人都有自己的故事，而你的故事又是什么呢？

有时会想就算不能像电影一样，我的人生是否也能同样的充实，有趣，令人回味无穷？我觉得单单是那令人担心的感情故事，就已经令人又爱又恨了吧。却，在他人口不遮拦地说他版本的故事时，又有谁会听得进去他人的故事呢？也许我也不会提人着想，处理事情的方式也不妥当，所以才会把一件小小的事闹得满堂风云。就是知道自己的弱点在于太爱多管闲事，但怎么改也似乎就是这样。

石头。

性格就是喜欢硬碰硬，才会开始令人讨厌。明明可以不当成一回事，自己却要硬拗硬承，结果越弄越复杂。他们说固执得像一块石头，我想是吧．就是想一颗大石头一样．如果没那么任性，我想我是真的比想象中更坚强．我不会后悔自己做过的一切，只遗憾竟然记不起与你的片刻．

剪刀

突然想与世隔绝，想表现得那么自然，但其实每一段话，每一个字似乎是在对话中，其实没流露出自己真正的思想。说了又能怎样？心情会因为有个聆听者而比较好吗？也许吧。但问题仍存在不是吗？现在我反而更乱，天啊，真是麻烦。嘻嘻 -_-。总之，宁愿把一切关系剪断也不想增添烦恼。我没那么幸运，加上我习惯了自己靠自己。不是吗？

布

不想成为一片白布。我不想那么没有思想，不想幼稚的闹。我不想成为我不是的人。想在这白布上添上颜色，添上我觉得漂亮的颜色。

我不是世界上最不幸的人，但也不是幸运的人。我不美，不聪明，不好，不强。但我只懂得试着努力。

坚强

2008-11-21T22:37:00.002+08:00

坚强

原来我比自己想象中坚强．．

静

2008-11-20T05:11:00.001+08:00

静

这一刻只想把嘴巴闭起来。。

窗外的天气

2008-11-19T21:12:00.003+08:00

窗外的天气

这窗外的天气是怎样的？
太阳像是想把这大地烤熟，却看到路上的行人都裹得像粽子一样。
所以，这窗外的天气是怎样的？

那太阳的温度是想温暖人们那寂寞的心灵？
还是想让人火的烦躁？
太阳很努力的照射，心却是寒冷的

说谎是因为不满意某些事？
还是是个善意的代表？
因为想让自己好过一点，才说了谎。

人生苦短，曾经想就活得平凡，少点给予的期望，压力。
却发现现实的残酷与不公平。
所以到最后，虽有因必有果，但一切也许会太迟了

有些人从苦中去乐，有些人身在福中不知福。
有些人傲气十足，有些人却懂得礼义廉耻。
在得得失失中，幸福的定义有了偏差。

一句谢谢曾是那么的宝贵。
如今仍时，但情况已不一样了。
窗外的天气是晴天。

玉的故事

2008-11-09T08:35:00.004+08:00

玉的故事

玉是那么的没有瑕疵，那么的青翠，那么的纯。拿在手上，就那么的爱不释手，就那么的想对她温柔。捧在手上的那颗玉，小心翼翼的放在心房，曾经是那么的珍惜。

因为一次的不小心，玉落在了地上。她的那种心碎，绝望，曾经拥有过的诺言，的期待，瞬间洒满了整地。就因为有了瑕疵，不像从前能保护他，他选择了放手。

就这样的把她当掉。碎了的玉唯能活在从前才能发出那光芒。就在那，那么微微的光芒。终于，有个“他”来了。店长说：“就这玉吗？有瑕疵，还是不错的啦。”“

他”缓缓地说：“就因为这些瑕疵，她才独特。”

爱是一种感觉，体会，经验

2008-11-05T15:39:00.003+08:00

爱是一种感觉，体会，经验

是因为是个流行曲，还是因为它里头的词真的很有意义。欣以介绍了周杰伦的“说好的幸福呢”，她说她越听越好听。是因为旋律，还是因为歌词？我知道论语言文词方面我不如她，但是也许凭着感觉，体会和经验，在歌曲方面我们有着不一样的要求。这首歌我承认是真的很好听，但是，是因为现在所经历的一切，还是因为词真的很美。

爱情是种感觉，所以不需要理由。喜欢一个人，可以喜欢他的全部，就算缺点，也似乎看成了优点。爱是一种体会，体会着所有的情绪。喜，怒，哀，乐，在一段感情一次过什么都能体会到。爱是一种经验，可以从中学习，懂得怎么加油，懂得怎么取舍。

在这么短短的几个月，眼睁睁看到许多失败的感情。每个人的分分离离，有些从中吸取经验，从中体会了什么叫好好活着。有些自欺欺人，选择活在自我欺骗中。每个人对感情的要求都不一样吧。都是不同的个体，不能为别人而改变，也不能要求谁为自己而改变。我想我是幸运的。

也许过了低潮期，似乎开始走运了。湜胜那个笨蛋，从来没为谁而改变，竟然为了我改变了那过于自我的思想。他的付出我想胜过他自己能想象的，这就是这段感情的体会和经验吗？总之，就珍惜每一个在身边的人吧。因为每个人的遇见都是一种缘分。

好希望他和她会负荷，因为已经是谈婚论嫁了。一失足成千古恨，再回头早已百年更。小女孩是很好玩，可是记得有人仍在等着你。希望他和她分手，因为他配不上她。她那么的付出，他却一点有点都没有。反而似乎在利用她。再爱其他人前，要懂得爱自己。

叶子的离开，是风的追求，还是树的不挽留。。

部落格的定义

2008-10-21T01:03:00.002+08:00

部落格的定义

今天收到了欣怡的电邮，不知是该喜还是忧。因为我看不出她是在称赞我的文笔，还是觉得没办法看懂我所写的一切。可是，想想，人为什么会写部落格呢？我写，是为了想让人读我的心情故事，还是只是想发发牢骚。毕竟，我是个巨蟹，喜欢躲在我的贝克里。不喜欢每件事都跟别人诉苦，也许也是因为我挺好强的吧。

那其他人写部落格是为了什么呢？有些是为了想把自己的经验传授给他人，有些是像炫耀自己的疯狂人生，那部落格还有其他意义吗？它也是一个收集记忆的管道吧，也是另一种传达自己思想的办法。其实，起初，我想写部落格的主要原因是写写故事写写词，可是我想灵感不是那么容易就有感而发的吧。所以结果变成自己的心情故事。真是失败啊。

我想从今天起，我会尽量少发牢骚，写写一些比较特别的故事吧。=）

自己和自己下棋

2008-10-19T18:14:00.002+08:00

自己和自己下棋

在每个感情方面都波折匆匆，搞得我都懒得找男朋友了。哈哈。我和湜胜本来好好的，我想是因为我总是让他觉得他不重要吧。可是，这不是一个很巨蟹座的风格吗？把家庭放在第一位是很当然的，然后是朋友。其实我总觉得我有把爱情放得很重要啊。我的思想是，在这里的朋友，可能毕业后就不会再见了，所以得好好珍惜和他们在一起的时间。家人，老的时候，大家都会有自己的家，只有偶尔会团圆，所以一定要摆在第一位。至于爱情，如果真的是会持久的，更本不必担心现在不在一起的时间。但我想，很少人会有这种想法吧。

现在根本不知道湜胜要的是什么，我也快放弃了。我想得给对方多一次机会吧。我在试多一次，如果他真的决定放弃，我想我会走自己的路。也许，这爱情的游戏，我还不够资格玩。=)

Housekeeping的第一天

2008-10-14T02:45:00.002+08:00

Housekeeping的第一天

今天，开始了Housekeeping的第一天，我没有觉得很累啦。可是就是觉得很不一样，跟Front Office很不一样。我觉得，应该说Housekeeping比较有成就感吧。我觉得洗完一间房后会觉得不错，尤其当一切是干干净净的。可是，不知道啦。因为觉得干净的，老师就一直说那里不干净这里不干净的。可是，还是学到了很多不一样的东西。明天又是新的一天，不知是喜还是忧啊。总之，多九天，加油咯！！

这一天好像没什么感慨。只不过觉得朋友与朋友之间的关系真的很难去预测。好复杂哦！！睡了！！

近来，好吗？

2008-10-13T02:32:00.003+08:00

近来，好吗？

今天，和妹妹聊了天，她说好像前几天不知道是不是碰到了乾畴。。那时我第一个反应是，哦，那又怎样？妹妹说不知道是不是他，因为又像又不像，所以最后她没和他打招呼。。接着，我就想，那他身边有没有新的女朋友？？虽然知道已经不管我的事了，但是就是想知道他，近来，好吗？

结果，我又很没有骨气的去看他的friendster和facebook。结果，什么都不知道。。也许，他过得很好。他的梦想已达到，拥有着那每一个每一个在舞台下观众的认同。有时会想，如果那时我没吵着要分手还是那时成熟一点，我们今天还会不会在一起。但是如果世界上有那么多的如果，每个人就会得过且过吧。看了看他的照片，我想其实我们快一年的感情，在他的人生中，只是一首小插曲吧。。那么没有扣人心弦的旋律，也没有感人肺腑的词，这么微小的小插曲吧。。但对我来说，也许，这真的是一个人生的经验。他让我学会了爱一个人，不能总是以自己的角度去想，也让我体会到了一段感情信任与承熟是多么的重要。

但是，对于这段感情，它始终对我来说有那么多那么多的问号。。为什么明明说会下载skype最后却没有？为什么说会保持联络，最后还是没有？？为什么我那么不理智的脾气时，没有说一句。到最后甚至我都不记得是怎样分了手。。我想这些疑问永远都不会有个回答，因为是我自己一向情愿的认为我们会永恒。是我自己发小姐脾气，是我自己那么奋不顾身地认为他会愿意等我。

可是想想，我想有个答案吗？？对我来说，这些其实已经不重要了吧？？只是心里那好奇心。我想我现在最重要的事，好好读书，为爸爸妈妈，让他们能安安心心地环游世界。为湜胜，为我们有可能的未来。我不知道我们这段感情的未来是怎样，但是我觉得很奇怪。我们俩在这么大声的吵架，在怎么哭得满脸泪水，最后还是会以笑脸收场。今天，已经放话说再不让我赢，我就不再加油了。你这个笨蛋还是一样那么固执，可是我想，希望是像你所说的，我们只会更顽强地成长吧。快步入那第五个月。对你我来说，真的不容易吧，尤其是两个很不一样的星座，两个不再那么相信爱情的人，还有两个固执的不得了的情侣。还是试着加油吧！！我们两人的梦想是那么近又那么的远。

人的一生有多美满是自己定的。开心是得自己争取来的，但切忌，永远不能把自己的幸福践踏在别人的痛苦上。不能为了自己的幸福，造成其他人的悲伤。这世界是像个平衡架，有人欢喜就会有人悲，但是永远不可以刻意的去伤害别人，因为有因必有果，人在做天在看，再怎么昧着良心做事，错仍是错。从明天起，不，从现在起，我真得很希望成为我心目中所拥有的模范。总之，我会加油，因为我是蔡佳滢！！

我不配

2008-10-12T04:14:00.002+08:00

我不配

在爱情的领域里，真的有谁配得上谁的吗？？所谓的不适合，那用有着怎样的道理？？每个人都拥有着自己的心情故事，又有谁能评论谁的心情故事不对，不应该还是值得羡慕的呢？？

周杰伦的“我不配”我听了有好几遍好几遍了吧。。一首歌，那几句词，真的是那样凭空想象的吗？还是早已反映了每个人的心情路程？？这世界上有几万条街？而在这几万条街上，又有几万个人？那这几万个人保守了多少个秘密？？这么说来，这整个世界是由秘密组织成的咯？每个人都有他们得守的秘密，何时人会对于这世界没有保留地对待他人？就因为太多所谓的顾虑，才变得有你欺我咋的心态吧。

有时就觉得我真得很孤僻吧。。我就喜欢躲在房间里向这些奇怪的事，然后把他们打出来。就算思绪是有一点乱，但是随便那样打呀打，总觉得是还不错的。但有时觉得自己是那么的急人忧天。我很想拥有物质上的享受，但在想想，我追求的其实并不是那样吧？？我自己也不是那么得清楚。就算买了LV的包又怎样，又不适合我带。就算拥有着不一样的饰品，我又不会把所有带完。可是自己就想拥有什么。。

我不想读书了。。我真的好想有机会圆我的梦，可是就算机会来了，我又那个胆识吗？？无言。

写给起点的一首歌

2008-10-11T19:48:00.004+08:00

起点

那旋律不停地在转

让人不禁想回首看

年少疯狂的那晚

心里开始乱成一团

快忘了那晚的灿烂

主流一派造的起点

大家各分东西的散

忘了热爱音乐的过往

像四季不停转换

那时的沉默如今是否已找到了答案

飞越时空想离开这瞬间却只能呐喊

主流一派迈开的起点已回到了原点

曾经说的那片蓝天现在在眼前已经化为无点

旋律不停地在转换

我却仍活在那个从前

不切实际的愿望

大家都有梦要实现

何时才会把自己脚步放慢

绘画出一派的图案

心里不禁有了答案

没人会总是不停地回首看

我得从梦中醒来

那时的沉默如今是否已找到了答案
飞越时空想离开这瞬间却只能呐喊
主流一派迈开的起点已回到了原点
曾经说的那片蓝天现在还有什么值得去留念

那时的沉默如今是否已找到了答案
飞越时空想离开这瞬间却只能呐喊
主流一派迈开的起点已回到了原点
曾经说的那片蓝天现在在眼前已经化为无点

无趣的，米兰

2008-10-11T06:14:00.002+08:00

无趣的，米兰

今天一大清早就爬起来，为了就是想逛米兰。达了那有三个半钟的火车，却来到了一个贫民区。天啊！！那时我多快崩溃了。逛了是逛了，但是一整天，连50euro都没花到。。是吃了道地的意大利餐。。但是还是比不上能逛街买东西的乐趣啊！！

问了问人，总算是逛了几条街和看了好多家名牌店。。可是卖的东西，根本不是自己想象的便宜。而且反而是贵两倍吧！！都快无奈死了！！我们真的是走了一整天的路，加上我想如果现在把我丢在米栏，我也能打公车这些了吧。。

可是它始终是个宝贵的经验。。在这旅途上，我学了很多。我们从逛了贫民区，到人人满袋名牌。深深的体会了人生就是那么的极端。有些人可以是那么的富裕，伸手就是满满的名牌，但有些人反而是得伸手行乞。。在一条街上，可以看到传福音的，行乞的，富裕的。。有时会想，这是街到底有没有所谓的公平。。在这街上，我们是那么的平凡，不富裕，但也不用行乞，但是感触我想会比他人来得多吧。

有钱人，只会想着自己有多有钱，可以买什么新款的名牌。而贫民只能想着自己能过一天是一天。这种极端，又有谁会为另一个极端想？？糜烂之旅，在失败，也只不过是个人生经验。之后的罗马，西西里，比利时，伦敦，我想又是个不一样的体会。总之我想要买我要的东西！！

照片等微微起来时再给我吧！！

已经过了多久？

2008-10-10T04:07:00.003+08:00

已经过了多久？

好像有一段时间没写日记了。。我想只能怪自己是那么的懒惰吧。。曾经对自己说，一定要把每一天的点点滴滴记录下来，这么一来，回首时，至少有个回忆。人的记性总是不可靠，不一会儿就会把一切忘了，好的坏的统统似乎一下子就不记得了。至少我是这样子的吧。

来到瑞士已经有两个半月了吧。。时间又是过得那么快，又是过得那么慢。。好想快点学期结束然后就能回家，但是又舍不得和朋友们一起生活的日子。。俗语说，在家靠亲人，在外靠朋友。我真觉得是这样。。如果没认识微微和yuki，我想现在不会过得那么快了，像一家人一样。一家人虽然还是会有争执，但是没有解决不了的事情，一下子，就过去了。

我和湜胜也还是会吵架，因为毕竟是段远距离的恋曲。但是我觉得两个人的坚持真的很重要，如果我和他没有对于双方的信任，我想我们根本过不了他四个月的那关。可是现在我们快步入那五个月了。有时我会想，我到底喜欢他什么啊。对我的要求有高，但是对我又不怎么样。但是我想那就是所谓的“无理头”的爱吧。我对他的了解是他自己难以想象的，而他对我的了解，也是我没办法了解的。发生了那么多，我想这应该会加强我们之间的感情吧？可是未来的事，很难去预测吧。

我想有时我也太强势了吧。有时会想不顺我的事我会很烦，并且根本不想说话。可恶！！有时想瑞士不要那么大就好了。这样的话那里都可以去！！不知道啦。有时觉得我就是那么的孤僻吧。何时才会好啊！！好想爸爸妈妈哦！！

石头，剪刀，布

2008-09-03T22:56:00.002+08:00

石头，剪刀，布

今天心情也没怎样，都不知道为了什么。也许是早上起不来吧，还是因为看了一部挺伤心的电影，不然是因为我的成绩吗？还是，人与人之间的关系令我越来越懊恼了？又开始想家人和湜胜了。

我想不是因为成绩吧。因为答应过爸爸妈妈和湜胜，不会把成绩看得太重要，最主要的是自己在这过得开开心心，成绩不错就很好了。湜胜总是在提醒我，学业重要他明白，但是世界上仍有比成绩更重要的事。我想也是吧，但是，我就是一个不会满足的人嘛！但我真的很想很想懂得平心对待一切。真是不明白为什么我没办法懂得满足。还是，是因为我自己的问题？因为，明明知道自己的问题在哪里，但我还是不懂的进步。

真是不了解，人生就是在玩石头，剪刀，布吧。有赢和输，没有总是会赢，也没总是会输，最后，其实都是50/50的机会。这是上，真的有：好人有好报的奇迹吗？我想也许吧?

2008-09-01T03:17:00.003+08:00

Never Let You Go -- Janice Wei

The rain just never seems to bring the joy,

I feel the same,

Everlasting pain of my loss remains,

My heart can't seem to learn to part,

The hold you left your mark,

All that I dreamed of now it seem so stark,

Though I told myself,

won't hold my breath,

A part of me was dying,

There is nothing left for me to do now,

but give in,

*Chorus

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling,

I would sing to you and tell you I won't live my life without you,

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling,

I would hold your hand and look in your eyes,

And you know I'd never let you go.

The way you left me on the train,

I don't know what to say,

I remember everything of that day,

I can't believe we'd never dance,

I just need one more chance,

To share the sunset,

Our one last romance,

Though I told myself,

won't hold my breath,

A part of me was dying,

There is nothing left for me to do now

but give in,

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling,

I would sing to you and tell you I won't live my life without you,

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling,

I would hold your hand and look in your eyes,

And you know I'd never let you go.

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling,

I would sing to you and tell you I won't live my life without you,

If you gave me one chance to tell you how I was feeling,

I would hold your hand and look in your eyes,

And you know I'd never let you go

一首扣人心弦的歌，曲与词对我来说都很有意思。听了卫兰这首歌，脑海浮现许多不一样的画面。突然觉得，人与人之间的关系如此淡薄，是可以处于说断就断的那种。与其总是你争我夺的世界里，不如珍惜眼前人。不想到最后才说如果那时能从来，不想对自己说如果有多一次机会，只想好好，就现在好好地珍惜一切。

希望要到来的未来，我一家，湜胜一家，能开开心心的在一起。不想在失去最爱的人，因为痛楚一言难尽。

爱的物语

2008-08-30T04:38:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I've blogged in English. But no matter how reluctant I am, I have to. That's because the font on Mozilla FireFox is just hideous for the chinese characters. Find it a little awkward to blog in English, especially since I am never fluent in English. I would probably end up like Mojo Jojo, repeating the same content in 10 different ways.

It is interesting how dear dear manage to hit the right spot about the cause of my unhappiness. I guess he is right, it is not much of a problem at all. It is just that I took things to seriously and just wasn't willing to let go off those nitty gritty things. I guess it lies with my character. I am just competitive by nature, no matter how much I try to hid that hideous truth. When dear dear tried to talk me through by telling me those facts, I guess I was a little irritated. Especially when I know for myself that what dear dear had just said were true.

It was only then that I realised that dear dear understands me better than I do. Probably it's because there are certain facts that I choose not to accept. Although it is kind of irritating that dear dear constantly reminds me that in certain areas I am not good enough, I guess it serves as a motivation. So, there would always be room for improvement?!?! It's sweet he reminded me that even with flaws, I have my family and him, which is enough after all. That stupid boy rather sleep talk to me so that I would stop thinking pessimistically instead of going to bed at 4am. He insisted that I sacrificed more with the time that I could be studying, with the commitment and all. I think otherwise. With all the workload he has, and time that he can actually rest, he sacrifice all and all just to chat with me and coax me. I know that all boyfriends would do the same for their girlfriends. But I guess I really should be contented with all I have. Especially with my funny family too.

Just had a conservation with my grandma in the afternoon. She is so cute!! Half the time reminding me that I will be home in 3 months and she will cook all the homemade food for me. And of course, this pretty grandma of mine said that I was pretty!! I guess that's all that matters, isn't it? I mean who would force their grandma to say that she is pretty. *Grins* Probably that is the language of love dear dear had been trying to teach me. It is when I see results as the motivation that I kind of overlooked all that is around me.

I suppose to have someone there constantly reminding me how imperfect I am isn't a bad thing after all. I do hope that I will remain as enlightened as I am now in the near future, because I am sure it is only after a while I will complain the same thing to him. Thank God for all that I have learnt, and God bless. =)

误解

2008-08-29T19:53:00.002+08:00

误解

如果在从来一次，我会做同一个选择吗？我想，会吧。

在一切化为乌有前，回忆会不断地涌上。如果被给予了机会，又有几个人懂得珍惜并作些改变？察觉到自己并不是什么好人，就算我一再的想帮助人，想把知道的一切都传授给其他人。但人心险恶，必定有中有所保留的警惕。

我讨厌比较，但一而再，再而三地想要做到最好。那试问，如果不做比较，又怎能知道做得好还是不好？那，那种好又是怎样的好？是大家异口同声的好，还是只有考官觉得好的好？

没办法领悟到安于现状的领域，也发现也许最爱比的人是我。能不能再次学到什么呢？开始有点点的疑惑，因为我只想跟自己比，却往往忘了那点。也许，我最主要的是少管闲事。如果孤僻的话，不一定是件坏事。怎么说，这里留念的根本不多。不是吗？

郁闷

在千言万语中，却无言了

2008-08-27T03:35:00.002+08:00

在千言万语中，却无言了

心里似乎有种不安。但自己也不大清楚。明明有千千万万的字想添上，却瞬间脑海一片空白。就这样停留了好久，但似乎还是没什么早落。也许很怕自己处于一个先甜后苦的阶段吧。明明知道人比人会气死人，可是却还是不知觉的想了解自己周围的事。我想我最大的敌人还是自己吧。因为我还是没办法越过自己的心理障碍。

对不同事的反反复复，我是不是永远都逃不出那个阴影？那当中对谁最不公平？在幸福中，又有谁会去估计将发生的不愉快。在不同的人，用有着不同的一面，那当他说：“你不是我所认识的你。”时，心不回惊讶，只会疑问：“那你认识的我是哪一个我啊？” 我想着不稀奇吧。因为我们在人生党中扮演着不一样的角色。没有说认识的我就一定是哪个我。不是吗？能说你对每一个人都是一样的吗？有可能达到一视同仁的领域吗？别人我不知道，但你，你不可能。

在千言万语中，又有几个词，几句话，人是听得进去的？上了二十年的人生课，说长不畅，说短不短，但人生是最佳的老师，从中我学会了很多东西，但似乎还不够能让我在社会上生存。在这狗吃狗，人比人的社会里，我会找出自己的特长。至少我想，我会用心的比自己强。毕竟，最大的敌人是自己。

在所有努力当中，学到最多的是自己。与其安于现状，认真的生活吧。人生苦短，那平民的生活值吗？那又能从哪开始啊？一切归零。

好人有好报

2008-08-15T01:55:00.002+08:00

好人有好报

这几天yuki姐姐又大显身手了！！煮了好多好多好好吃的东西哦！！天啊！！改天一定有上传所有的照片。yuki真的好会煮哦！！而且好有家的感觉！！好希望以后还能一起住！！

我觉得啊。。yuki和meimei都是好好好好好人！！跟她们住在一起真得很开心。。又是一起看电影，又是一起吃饭，出去，打扮。。是他们让我觉得真的，好人会有好报。。因为她们是好人，所以好多好事都会发生在她们身上。。而且快乐会感染。。所以，我呀,tzuying呀，meimei和yuki 都过得好开心好开心！！

希望我们永远都是好朋友！！=P

我要开动咯！

2008-08-12T02:14:00.009+08:00

我要开动咯！！

今天我们煮了好好吃的面线汤哦！！真的好好吃哦！！虽然我没分参与煮的工作，但yuki也煮得好开心！！我，tzuying, meimei 和 yuki 都吃得好饱哦！！

好开心！！但是也是开始做功课的时候了！！加油加油加油！！

昨天好开心，因为终于和Amy聊天了！！误会希望都揭开了吧！！很开心，因为怎么说，我有错在先嘛，如果那时有抽空和Amy聊天的话，可能就不会闹得满城风云。可是，事情已成往事，再提又何必呢？

我本来就是个很在乎别人怎么看我的人，就是有点神经质，太过敏感了吧。可是没办法啦，性格是我的，嘴巴是人家的。明明就是人生的一小阶段，却让是非说得无里头。也许满于现状是最大的封口的方法。

微笑，是因为人生那么的苦短。何必为了不切实际的是非把自己的人格调得那么低。又有谁能理解呢?

下一站

2008-08-08T01:39:00.002+08:00

下一站

开始慢慢地跟上节拍，但是还是总觉得给予自己的压力好大。我想我的求胜心真得太强了吧。参加了SI，也误打误撞地成了F&B Representative, 再加上功课的压力，我真的不知道这学期能应付得来吗。

现在，根本还不想碰那些功课，向瞬间放空。我想这也能让我好好想想下一站是什么。

首先一定是成绩要好啊。可是要怎么样得让成绩进步呢？爸爸常提醒我，现在成绩为重心，不要去想金钱这方面的东西。我想也是，可是参加怎么多活动，我还是觉得是有用的。至少从中我学了好多好多新的东西。但是还是会怕影响到学业。真复杂！！

我觉得幸运，因为我的同房们都好好！！！我真得很开心。但当一切很完美的时候，就会开始害怕失去一些什么的。我想老天爷是公平的吧。

觉得自己变得啰哩叭说的，真是搞不懂。还是用心上进吧！！

所谓的..理所当然..

2008-07-29T04:43:00.005+08:00

所谓的..理所当然..

所谓的理所当然。。我想。。每个人常常会为了理所当然而选择忽略。

曾经以为拥有一位志同道合的朋友，也认为双方对彼此的信任是别人难以捉摸的。因此我会理所当然地认为解释是多余的。。总会理所当然地认为无论发生什么事，他都会维护我，站在我这一岸，就算我这一岸是个孤岛。但却发现，所谓的理所当然，根本不成立。因为彼此的信任是得用解释与沟通来维持的。。我想因为认为事情会理所当然的被遗忘，而选择不加以解释，但反而越描越黑。

总认为我的成绩不错，所以理所当然地认为这学期应该会还好，但发现根本跟不上节拍。这礼拜不知道哭了几次，因为就是达不到自己的要求。我想我给自己的压力也太大了吧。但这也对啦，至少我知道我最大的敌人其实就是自己。

总是对自己说，我不会后悔我所做的一切决定。但如果这一切能从来，我会选择同一条路吗？？

愛の物語

2008-07-16T16:50:00.002+08:00

愛の物語

对于爱情的认识，我想我的知识还是个零吧。就算有过几个男朋友，就算拍拖的时间最短也有六个月。但我对爱的物语还是不能理解吧。觉得湜胜说得对吧，希望他爱我的方式，不一定是他爱的方式。而希望我给予的方式，也许也不是我习惯性能给的。所以这是个很巧妙的物语吧。

就跟湜胜告诉我的故事一样吧。一对夫妻，老公送给老婆一台洗衣机是希望老婆不用那么辛苦。而老婆确认为老公不浪漫，不送花，不送礼物，而是送台洗衣机，是想让她多洗些衣服呢？还是觉得她洗的衣服不够干净？每对情侣，夫妻，恋人都一定会有这样的问题吧。因为各自说的都是不一样爱的语言。争执也是这么来的，不是吗？

也许在慢慢的成长中，我就会明白。但在当儿，我又能做些什么呢？我是想当个听话的，在背后支持他的小女人，还是想当一个浪漫主义者、大女人？想尽心学说他爱的物语，但他会是那种60%大男人40%小男人地学我爱的物语吗？

爱的领域不容易啊。。=P

生日快乐

2008-07-07T01:39:00.003+08:00

生日快乐

这个礼拜庆祝了好几次生日，真觉得很开心。从新认识的朋友到一起搞绿园的中文学会，真得很开心。虽然说我似乎跟以前有点不一样了，但我是会去反省的啦。在返回瑞士的日期越来越靠近，就觉得亲情，友情，和爱情越来越重要。日期越近就越不想回去，但是一种挑战吧。对我这温室里的小花来说。

感谢老天爷给予的一切。但我却总是不懂得珍惜。还有两、三个礼拜，加油吧，蔡佳滢！！=P

遗憾

2008-07-03T14:20:00.003+08:00

遗憾

我想我这个人是有一点问题吧，要不然为什么我没办法好好的维持一段感情或友谊。与其说我的人生有趣，不如说我是个嬗变的人。有时是会羡慕那些找到了人生伴侣的人，像欣怡，冠华，康婷他们。有时会想在其他人眼中也许我是个容易变心的人，但是我想，我也不想这样吧。在上亿人当中，我也想找到那位知己。我想我的问题就是没办法定下心来吧。

有好多一组组的朋友，但是说真的也许我不相信有Best Friend这种奇遇吧。所以是我性格上的问题吧。常常对自己说，要好好珍惜眼前人，但却常常把一切当成理所当然。也许这是个坏习惯，因为到最后是自己人生的最大遗憾。所以嘞？？

真是惨，要常常去反省。。

那船，开走了。。

2008-07-03T01:19:00.002+08:00

那船，开走了。。

在闸门关上之前，也许心里会希望他没选择离开。但知道，当时没选择的余地。也许那天，心似乎不在场。那么，心当时又在何处？也许当时，是在气自己吧。

是变了吧。觉得有一点不对劲，但不代表一定是件坏事。但也是时候该反省了。看着办吧。。

十九,二十

2008-06-27T19:11:00.003+08:00

十九,二十

转眼间，岁数就要由二开头了，真是不想啊！可是我想也好吧，反正十九岁的这一年过得并不是很顺利。

“我曾认真深爱着一个人，他给我幸福的可能”。以前听到许若萱的这首歌，都会不知觉的认为自己似乎曾经是真的很喜欢很喜欢过一个人，认为他有可能把那所谓的幸福交给我。也许是因为年纪小的关系，自己会一厢情愿的觉得有可能是命中注定。最后才领悟到，幸福是靠自己争取的而不是每个人都能给予的。

好不容易选择了自己想走的路，以为是一个新的开始。没想到却让自己深深的领悟到人心险恶。明明不想投入的一段事情却牵连了许多不必要的人物及评论。犹如一部恶作剧，一个无聊的插曲。但是也同时让我领悟到我有多幸福。

在这几个月前会觉得我已经快二十了，却似乎没有一番作为。所以像牛一样什么事情都想参一角。最后发现，原来其实我的人生就是那么的“有趣”。我有一个虽然觉得有一点罗索但完整的家庭。朋友我没很多，但是我知道我有事时，必定有人在身边。不用他人的名誉，我在工作上仍能打出我的天地。我不追求荣华富贵，因此简简单单加一些惊喜我很满足。现在还有个笨蛋，虽然大男人但愿意在某些事上放些尊严。二十年的一切-感动，欢乐，悲伤，情谊。也许就有如Chef Jimmy所说的吧。其实我已经有一番成就了，只不过我却被他人影响，一直盲目的追求不切实际的物质享受。

我想二十岁的挑战，我准备好了。

准备好了吗？

2008-06-12T01:16:00.002+08:00

准备好了吗？

把那最后一页写成，就得就此搁笔。一篇故事的结束，将代表着另一片的开始。是否是个续集，还是一片崭新的故事，都常常是个谜。唯有开始叙述着故事及密切地跟着剧情，才可能有个答案。

我要开始做好准备了！！

写意人生

2008-06-09T23:44:00.003+08:00

写意人生

发现也许自己的英文程度似乎快不行了，明明有好多事情想写但只能那样的望着电脑，一句话也打不出来。

近期来，发生了许多戏剧般的事，也已经可以拍成一部戏来娱乐大家。但感谢的是，身旁依然有那支持我的家人与好朋友，不然也没今天的我。感觉上好像是金马颁奖典礼的致词，太虚伪了。

但最近真的是发生许多有趣的事，从无聊的小动作到疯狂的夜生活。只能说至少我没白活吧。与其像他人的平淡生活，不如一个有爱有很有高潮起伏的戏剧般生活。

但许多故事常常会有个结局，虽然故事未有个据点，但我觉得至少至今，它将会是个完美的结局。

It's Been A While

2008-06-09T23:12:00.002+08:00

It's Been A While

It's been a while since I last blogged. *Grins* Two reasons. First, Meimei has been hogging my laptop since the connection is up. Then, I didn't really have the time to blog judging by the time that I am actually at home. I've been playing too much. *Oops* But I can't help it!! It's my last week, and I'll need all those farewell parties. *Hehe*

Went swimming with JieJie today. So tired! But I still can swim!! At least, I think I am better than JieJie. *Shhhhh*

石头.剪刀.布

2008-05-31T09:12:00.003+08:00

石头.剪刀.布

每个人都有自己的故事，而你的故事又是什么呢？

石头。

剪刀

布

不想成为一片白布。我不想那么没有思想，不想幼稚的闹。我不想成为我不是的人。想在这白布上添上颜色，添上我觉得漂亮的颜色。

我不是世界上最不幸的人，但也不是幸运的人。我不美，不聪明，不好，不强。但我只懂得试着努力。

What Goes Around Comes Around

2008-05-29T21:04:00.004+08:00

What Goes Around Comes Around

I'm left with two weeks in this place and mama asked me not to get into anymore trouble. I guess it's the same for Karen, she's been asking me to use my brain more often now than usual. I guess I did make a big issue out of the incident. Yet, it's amazing how things spread when I thought I only told all these things to my really good pal. But oh well, I'll be seeing her soon I guess, and things will start clearing up again.

I believe what goes around comes around, and I suppose I am getting the retribution sooner than I thought. Tsk tsk. Mama is getting worried and she is constantly asking me to keep my attitude to myself. I know I have attitude problems but still it wouldn't be me if I kept them to myself right? Suddenly, I miss studying, I should probably go back to school and flip my accounting textbook. Grins. I wonder now what should I major in. Something that allows me to have time to multitask, like join modeling or something. Grins.

What goes around comes around, I got my retribution. Your turn will come. =)

Thank God

2008-05-26T15:40:00.002+08:00

Thank God

I'm trying too hard to be someone I am not these few months. From trying to venture into a blog shop to going out with friends. I guess I very much have forgotten how to be myself. If I were to halt and think back, maybe I am thankful that at least I did try to risk all these things. I guess I am not that much of a career oriented girl, cos there are so many things I dunno how to handle. From trying to stay away from the politics people are playing, and trying to act victim when things are actually my fault. Maybe of them all, I am the scariest, cos I got no idea where I am standing.

But I am also thankful how things turn out now. I am really happy with all the arrangements and interestingly I am not exactly into everyone's good books. I think I try to hard to be the center of attention be it in a good way or bad way that actually it's not getting me anywhere. Suddenly, everything falls into place. A wrong decision does make everything go out of hand. Should have heeded her advice then, cos it's only when someone who hates you so much that is she willing to tell you the truth.

I'm really thankful to had her as a friend though I think in the near future, she would probably still hate me. All the help she gave in the past and all the trouble she went through. Maybe that's something I have to learn, to learn to cherish everything and not be so ambitious after all. It's just not in my league, isn't it?? I guess it's time to learn to be contented with everything I have now. And I think I'm still a childish girl. Hmmms.. how how??

-Cleared-

2008-05-25T05:07:00.002+08:00

-Cleared-

Into my new life with all the misunderstandings cleared, I am looking forward to challenging myself instead of constantly harping on the fact that I am competing with the rest. I'm not that significant, neither am I that insignificant. It's time to learn to be contented I suppose. I've got all that I need already, all the more I shouldn't be affected by being so sensitive. In any case, gambatte!!

My Greatest Enemy

2008-05-25T02:42:00.001+08:00

My Greatest Enemy

is myself...

My Buddies =)

2008-05-21T17:42:00.003+08:00

My Buddies =)

Like I always mention, the different priorities in my life really make me feel that I am a better person. Even my mummy thinks that maybe it's a good change. Probably she is happy that at least I am not that independent (I'm still extremely dependent, just a little better *Grins*). And I really thank all the buddies who are there for me and never really irritated me like telling me that I'm using work as an excuse to play.

The List

Joadine:~

The princess who decided to open an online shop with me. Though it's not going on really well, but it was really a test for our friendship. Now that she is in Malaysia, I guess we will get back to it when she is back. Both of us are really different girls, we might have times when we totally couldn't stand each other. But I guess that was what made this friendship last till now. We might not be each other's bestest buds. But we will be friends forever. Love ya, Joa!! =)

Kimmy:~

The horrible network marketer that Joa, Franc and I almost wanted to kill. The guy whom I know for 8 years. I always tell people that he is my best friend. But then I realised that knowing each other for the longest period of time does not naturally means that he is your best friend. But oh well, he is a great friend who still hasn't teach me the rules of playing basketball. A great catch but hasn't had any girlfriend since forever I believe. Work on it Kimmy, if the whole world really doesn't want you, you can help babysit Franc's, Joa's or my babies. =P

Franc:~

The guy who tries to save himself from his mum by bad mouthing me. *Haha* Guess we would always have the same problem, with the constant changing of heart affairs. And the seemingly unable to get friends' approval of our other half. Yet still stubbornly venture in that area. Probably the first one to get married though, then again, with the queue, none of us are really sure. =D

Lizzie:~

The poor girl whom I decided to invite to hell. Great friend ever since Primary School and I do miss the times when we always hang out together. Anything related to Japanese, I know she would be the right person to find. Graduated in the same field, I suppose it's just a matter of time we hang out with each other again. Great boyfriend you have la, so you two just squibble over the small things ah. Cos I think you two are just so sweet together. All my blessings, but I think don't need to invite me to your wedding ba. Later, awkward hor? *Keke*

Sinyee:~

The noisy girl who would only call me when she has no one to keep her company. A dramatic girl whom only her boyfriend can stand. And yes, I wil start planning the birthday events. I mean even all these people can understand that I am busy, let alone someone who had actually done internship before. *tsk tsk* I guess if anyday I'm going to get married, I'll have to get her to do a speech or something. -_-

LBSH(ex or present):~

The people who have supported me all the way and are still trying to plan some outing. Just love going out with them, and I would really hope that they don't forget me as a friend. Trainees come, trainees go. But friends don't just come and go so easily. All the best for those who are staying or leaving.

Shun Ping:~

The poor guy who is recovering from chicken pox right now. And the only guy who believe that I might be able to achieve my goals at the end of the day. Sorry to hear about the burglary and chicken pox. But like what you said, maybe the next thing you know you are going to hit the jackpot. A great pal and get well soon!!

See Sen:~

My JieJie!!! The only person who would probably burst an artery because of what I said. I told you I always win. *Grins* Except for the fact that recently I am constantly losing to him. I guess it's because of the lack of sleep. Better think of other things to shoot him with. The gay issue is no longer working, especially now when he is totally proud of himself. He is one guy I would believe would fall in love with himself if he stared long enough in the mirror. This egoistic JieJie. =)

Karen:~

The big Chili Padi, my boss and my friend. A great person to learn from but don't expect her to lend a listening ear. HAHA!! She bites. Scary boss but great friend. It's just a few more weeks left. I just hope I don't do anything stupid to make her angry.

RH Trainees:~

Ramona

Clemens

Daniel

Melissa

WeiQi

I love everything I've now, and I suppose when you gain some, you have to lose some. I'm all prepared for it, cos I know I must learn to be stronger. I am GOOD!!

The Many Attempts of JYSing

Saturday - With Love

As Promised, FANTASTIC Friday!!

Talkative Thursday

Whee Whaa Whoa Wednesday!!

Day 1 of Nonsensical November

Not so much of a National Day

August 3rd 2011

It's a New Year!!

Because God is amazing!!

I will be still and know You're God

这喧闹的街

Settle down, settle down

he cannot be My disciple

I love God

Take the lead, Lord

Mightiness

How Great is our GOD!!

Thirsty VS Impatient

*Dreams~*

Thank You LORD!!!

USED versus LOVE

"DJ for a Day" Contest

You Hold Me Now - HillSong United

To the Lord I surrender

My Future Decided - Hillsong United

Always keep the Faith

Quote of the Day

What's my role?

Sing to the Lord - Hillsong

God's invitation to walk with Him again and again and again...

Ex-Offender Analogy

Praise the Lord!!

God's goblet of Grace

A Love Worth Giving - Max Lucado

Can't You Talk Louder GOD - Steve Shultz

Motivation from the Book of Ecclesiastes

The Problem Lies With.... ME!

Judging Others

Cooking! Cooking!

Oh No! When did you become so LAZY!

Unmotivated?

Warrior Series

While I'm Waiting - John Waller

Slow Fade - Casting Crowns

Fireproof

New Blog Skin!

To take the bull by its horns

I want I want I want

Randomization

Random Thoughts

If the world were to end..

BORED

Counting Down

Resolutions for 2009

On Hindsight

It's a quiet Christmas

Am I back?

我回来了

呐喊

选择遗忘

六月的姑娘

因为我是过来人

原点

石头.剪刀.布

坚强

静

窗外的天气

玉的故事

爱是一种感觉，体会，经验

部落格的定义

自己和自己下棋

Housekeeping的第一天

近来，好吗？

我不配

写给起点的一首歌

无趣的，米兰

已经过了多久？

石头，剪刀，布

爱的物语

Dreams~